HowTo:Arrest Tony Blair

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This article is how to attempt a citizen’s arrest of the former British prime minister, Tony Blair, for crimes against peace, i.e. the UK's invasion of Iraq. Attempts to arrest Mr Blair will have great political resonance. Unless you are too much of a wuss to survive being arrested, taken to court, potentially remanded into custody, then fucking gang raped in prison, or worse still don't even have the dexterity to hold onto the fucking soap in the shower, then please go the fuck ahead.

Steps[edit | edit source]

  1. Call the Police to your location whilst doing everything necessary to keep Mr Blair in sight. Tell them what you are about to do. Don't let the civilian staff member put you off performing the arrest, remember that they are just a civilian and not a real cop so ain't got the authority to give you any fucking orders. Don't grab onto him yet, you divvy cunt!
  2. Approach Mr Blair aggressively and put him on the floor. Hold him the fuck there until the Police arrive. But don't go too far, you don't want to be charged with aggravated assault, or worse still murder.
  3. Say loudly, “Mr Blair, this is a citizen's arrest for a crime against peace, namely your decision to launch an illegal war against Iraq. I am requiring you to wait with me for the Police to answer the charge.”
  4. Explain the charge to any police officers nearby and/or when they turn up, and encourage them to support you by arresting Tony Blair. Should they instead attempt to rest you, then run like **** or open fire with a cap gun. Be prepared to get arrested.

Tips[edit | edit source]

  • As long as the attempt is picked up by the media, your point will have been made. Failing that, get someone to film it and upload the footage to YouTube, preferably as a livestream.
  • You should decide how you want to leave the situation after your attempt. Make sure to wear a decent pair of running shoes so you can avoid the cops. Getting gang raped in prison ain't fucking pleasant.
  • You should contact the media either before – if you know and trust a journalist – you attempt the arrest or immediately after you've fucked off from the Police.
  • It’s a good idea to prepare a press release (and a list of email addresses of relevant news desks) beforehand, for a friend to send out as soon as it’s happened.

Warnings[edit | edit source]

  • You may risk being arrested by the very same police officers who you called out and therefore if you are easily frightened by a night in a jail cell (if you're fucking lucky, you rich white cheesecake) then you must follow these steps at your own risk. We will NOT accept any lawsuits for any resulting damages, including but not limited to: assault, sexual assault, rape, torture, inhuman, or degrading treatment, murder, etc. If any of those things happen to you, then it's fucking tough shit!
  • That's why the intro implicitly warns the faint of heart must read this section first! Being forced to fight someone twice your fucking size or end up as his bitch isn't something that every nigger can handle. Being black don't make you fucking invincible!
  • You will be arrested and charged for assault and possibly kidnap but fuck it. If you're too wussy to handle this, then why don't you just fuck off!