History of Thailand
I can't come up with a funny and witty header, so let's just dive straight into the History of Thailand, shall we?
Sukhothai era[edit | edit source]
In 1238, the Thais revolt under the rule of the Khmer Empire due to the Khmer king's discrimination of ladyboys. The Khmer sent the army to defeat the rebellion, but they were all destroyed. The Khmer soldiers captured in the soldier were then castrated and had their dicks cut off, thus becoming ladyboys. Since the Khmer king didn't accept them, they went to the Siamese king to ask them for a place to live. The Siamese king agreed to let them live in his kingdom.
The Sukhothai Kingdom had a unique sense of justice. The system is that if one person accuses the other person of a crime, both will be brought to the king, who would beat them up. This is because it wastes the king's time and will punish one person accusing the time.
Ayutthaya era[edit | edit source]
The people revolted against the Sukhothai for the beatings and revolted to create their own kingdom in 1350. The city was surrounded by rivers extensively dug with canals, perfect for skinny dipping. In 1563, the Burmese king, Bayinnaung, invaded Thailand and succeeded. He found the Siamese king's daughter so hot that he created 13 children with her. One day, he died from heart attack during sex. When his son, Nanda Bayin, came rose to the throne, Thailand revolted due to unfair ladyboy treatment. The King Nanda Bayin sent his son to a boxing match with King Naresuan, the leader of the rebellion. King Naresuan beat up Nanda Bayin's son and cut off his dick. The procedure messed up and he died of blood lost.
In the mid 1650s, Ayutthaya became a hub for international merchants since it sold a lot of porn and sex services, since it was better than porn from other countries. Japan also had good porn, but it was too expensive and far away to buy for Europeans.
In 1765, Myanmar invaded Thailand and by 1767, they sacked the Thai capital of Ayutthaya.
Thonburi era[edit | edit source]
One man named Taksin rose up and started campaigns to push the Burmese out. He developed Muay Thai and let his troops perform it since the weapon reserves were dry. Taksin managed to beat the fully armed Burmese forces with Muay Thai and push them out of Thailand.
Rattanakosin era[edit | edit source]
King Taksin was overthrown due to stealing the most expensive porn magazine in Thailand. He was succeeded by Rama I, which was a shortened name since his name is way too long to be put on this wikipedia.
In 1785, Myanmar invaded Thailand. They invaded with an army of 200,000 troops. King Rama I destroyed the Burmese army by opening Baby by Justin Bieber. The Burmese lost 180,000 men in the battle. The survivors were Beliebers, which made them immune to the song.
In 1831, Rama III invaded Vietnam. When he invaded, he heard the trees speak Vietnamese. Since he learned Vietnamese, he asked them "What's your favorite Son Tung MTP song?" They replied, "Hay Trao Cho Anh." King Rama III opened the song and lured the Vietnamese. He invaded Vietnam, but was eventually defeated because the radio broke, failing to entertain the Vietnamese troops.
In 1941, Japan invaded Thailand. The Japanese troops were repulsed by the ladyboy guard, an elite Thai unit. The Japanese just won through sheer number.
In 1943, when the war was going badly for Japan, Thailand snitched (Just like Italy) on Japan and joined the allies.