Hippo toss

An action shot from the 1500BC Nile Championship Finals

Hippo toss is an Eastern Egyptian sport popularised by hippos. During the great swamp-grass depression, the hippos did not have enough money to buy televisions or radios, so they had to invent their own sport. Most hippos did not have enough money for balls or other recreational objects either. Then one day, as a new mother was eating breakfast, she put her child on her nose and tossed him to another hippo. Everyone soon joined in and it became the favourite sport of the hippos.

The popularising

This one looks good for tossin'

At first the sport of hippo toss did not gain popularity due to the grossness and mess if one fails to catch the hippo. But around the time of the great hippo civil war, while hippos were killing each other (hippos are actually very violent creatures) the sport became huge, although mostly the hippos would toss baby hippos from the other side. Soon hippo tossing became a regular event. Hippos from all around would watch the fun of the other baby hippo dying. Soon a set of rules were developed. At first they were crude but become more refined as the game became more widespread.

The Rules

The basic rules for Hippo toss are as follows:

• Hippos are tossed without bounces
• Whoever fails to catch hippo must clean up the mess
• the longer it takes to drop the hippo, the more points lives the winner gets for the next round (they lose when they run out of lives and have to clean up ALL the baby hippos

The tournament

Every full moon, all the hippos in the world gather for one large hippo toss tournament, with three baby hippos per game. The game only ends when all three are splattered, so games can sometimes go on for many days. Specially trained janitors clean up the mess when a baby hippo is splattered.

The Fall of Hippo Tossing

The problem came when there were no longer enough baby hippos to continue the game. This caused enemy tribes fighting Philosopholis Thompson in an attempt to capture more baby hippo's. The only weapons they had was to through baby hippos and so the hippo nation was stuck in an endless circle of hippo tossing and stealing until all the hippos were dead.