Lo Pan's Razor
Lo Pan's Razor is a principle attributed to the ancient mystic sorcerer David Lo Pan (200BC - 1986), which he developed as a system for 'magical beliefs' and is considered to be the logic foundation for all superstition(beliefs not based upon facts or evidence). It's basic form states that 'no belief can be disproved if that belief is made suitably complex.' Among mystic circles it is known as lex veneficus or the Law of Magic, and by scientists as the Logic Eraser - the latter possibly being the more accurate, as Lo Pan named it a 'razor' for its ability to strip away logical thought.
Its original untranslated form cannot be conveyed into ascii text, being the mutterings and screams of captured souls inscribed upon human skin and witnessed only by fellow sorcerers and the damned. Shortly thereafter, it was translated into Japanese.
・魔法 宜しい 弁駁 ・厥 魔法 出来上がり 宜しく 複合
The approximate English translation being:
Magic cannot be disproved if all evidence to the contrary is viewed as being special exceptions.
The primary purpose of the principle was to allow Lo Pan to manipulate the minds of those around him for self serving purposes. When Lo Pan was approximately 200, he imparted the powerful tool onto a sorcerer in Jerusalem, who adjusted it to:
Testimonium est non necesse ut a fides mos planto populus sentio bonus.
Which translates to:
Evidence is not necessary for a belief that will make people feel good.
So powerful was this new form, it gained the name the Invisible Friend rule, by the ease of which people could be convinced they had an invisible special friend. Some people took the idea way too seriously:
- Man 1. "My invisible friend is the only invisible friend."
- Man 2. "I have the same invisible friend. People who claim to have some different invisible friend are all idiots."
- Man 1. "Hahaha, yes, what fools."
- Man 2. "Let us wage war about this idea for thousands of years."
Sorcerers and mystics have utilised Lo Pan's Razor for the centuries thereafter and its presence has been felt throughout the entire world. Eventually, in the 14th Century, an anti-Lo Pan's Razor was created by an English logician, William of Ockham, which had the form:
entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem
Which translates to:
entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity.
And simply means, 'Don't make shit up for which there is no evidence to support.' Known as Occam's razor, because people weren't good at spelling, it finally provided people with a tool to combat the sorcerers - and these anti-sorcerers became known as scientists.
Recently, a new version of Lo Pan's Razor emerged and it quickly proved to be quite powerful in beguiling people out of wealth or altering public opinion. Its form was thus:
That which is spoken from a source with beliefs deemed similar to yours, is true until proved false. That which is spoken from a source with beliefs deemed dissimilar to yours, is false until proved true.
Known as the Popular Consensus rule(also Group Think), it allowed people to easily lie while relying on people's acceptance of their word as an authority figure. To establish initial authority status often required no more than slandering those already deemed dissimilar to the group that was to be preached to.
The Popular Consensus rule achieved further notoriety when a 'HowTo: Be a Cult Leader' was released to the public. The following is an excerpt:
- Man 1: "All fags/Jews/Americans will burn in fiery hell for all eternity."
- David Attenborough: "This is the establishment of trust. Note the clenched fist and sincerity of expression. Burn a flag if you have to."
- Woman 1: "I strongly agree with your statement/opinion."
- David Attenborough: "Trust has now been established. Now he'll go in for the kill."
- Man 1: "God has shown/said/given-me powers/a vision/an-idea, which means that you all must give me money/sex/labour and in return you shall achieve happiness/entry to heaven/fudge brownies."
- David Attenborough: "Flawless. Let's see if he'll be cooking his fudge brownies tonight."
- Woman 1: "If it is Jesus's/Allah's/Batman's will, then so be it. Please take my baby/jewelry/virginity."
- David Attenborough: "The assumption of truth has worked. A perfect implementation."
The battle between scientists and sorcerers continues to be fought to this day, with some prominent figures have reached seemingly mythical(god-like) status amongst their followers. These powerful sorcerers can (appear to) have virtually limitless power, are worshipped by millions, with usually each country having only a single dominant sorceror. These figures often send their minions to battle each other in bloody conflict, for no purpose other than their own amusement.
But, the scientists have not been idle either, using their own powerful anti-razor, they've created air-conditioning, space shuttles, airplanes, guns, computers, televisions and many other devices of incredible power. Who will win? No one knows.
Application of Lo Pan's Razor
First pick a belief that is untrue, and challenge someone to prove you wrong. Let us pick:
1. Jesus is the only path to salvation and eternal reward in heaven.
Your opponent might say, "But what about people born before Jesus?" So you adjust/expand your belief to encompass that contrary evidence.
2. However, those born before him had a different way of being judged.
Your opponent might then say, "What about people who haven't heard of Jesus?" So you expand your belief, as before.
3. God will make sure anyone who seeks/deserves to be saved(and born after Jesus died), will hear about Jesus - thus those who don't hear about him, deserved eternal damnation.
Your opponent might then say, "Does Jesus not preach that in the bible that it is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than to enter the gates of heaven?" Again, just add another clause.
4. All this aside, if you're rich, tough cookies, no heaven for you.
Your opponent might then say, "What about those who die to early to possibly have a chance at learning about Jesus?"
5. Okay, okay, fine! For those who die so quickly as to not give clause 3 enough time to kick in, they go to a compromise place. Let's call it Purgatory.
Your opponent might then say, "Why is there statistically a massive disproportion of belief in Jesus throughout the entire world? Surely this indicates that culture is a dominant factor in defining a person's belief system?" And again you simply expand your claim further, out to infinity, if you have to.
Eventually, your opponent will run out of contrary evidence. So, the argument ends something like this:
5487. Statistical error accounts for deviations from the above.
Your opponent says, "Well, I have no other objections. I guess...I guess I was wrong."
Victory is yours! Cackle madly, then order you minions to lower your opponent into the snake pit.