Gallows (band)

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“Ooh Betty!.”

~ Frank Spencer on Orchestra Of Wolves

“Never talk to me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Mighty Boosh

Gallows are, unfortunately, an English band that we wish were never born. Their debut album, Orchestra of Wolves was described by many as, "The biggest pile of wank ever to have disgraced my ears." For some bizarre reason, Warner muusic seems to think they're actually good, although Warner music chief executives have been recently proved as 'mentally un-stable'.

History[edit | edit source]

Gallows formed in 2005, and released their first album, Orchestra of Wolves on In at the Deep End of a Bag of Shit Records. The album caught the attention of people with no musical taste what-so-ever.

Their 2007 tour included stops at, the South by Southwest showcase festival, Warped Tour 2007, Download Festival (where the storm of piss-filled bottles seemed to endlessly rain upon them), and the Reading Festival, where Frank Carter, wanting to prove what a "hard man" he really was, got tattooed live on-stage during the performance. Pretty hard isn't he?

The band won the 2007 Kerrang! Award for best British Newcomer, however it was later realised that the judges were in fact blinkered, and led to believe the only competition Gallows were faced with was Hannah Montana.

Their single "In The Belly of a Shark" appeared on Guitar Hero III for people that believed there should have been a setting lower than "easy", called "shit".

The band has recently shot and released the music video for their third single, "Staring At The Rude Bois" in which they collaborate with some talentless nobody they picked up off the 'burbs of london's ghettos who attempts to mutter rhythmic nonsense over their discordant, distasteful filth. Oh, it's a cover of yet another talentless punk band too, just in case you wanted to know.

Future[edit | edit source]

In an interview with NME, Frank Carter stated that the band won't last past 2009 (five years together) and that it was not a commitment of his (he was of course, seriously overestimating):

"Gallows is not my life. Never has been, never will. It's some dog-shit music that morons pay me for. I'm a tattoo artist - that will always be my life and job. Being in a band is something talented people should do. I quit the band four times before we signed to a major label because of the realisation of what shit we had going. Gallows won't last five, im probably serious overestimating here."

However he stated that in this period the band will record a second album, and possibly a third. Although we all know that their fan will have got bored of them by then.

Members[edit | edit source]

Current members[edit | edit source]

  • Frank Carter - (Vocals)- For vocals, read 'shouts, screams and talking in a stupid chavvy accent.'
  • Laurent Barnard - (Guitar)- He can play around 1 chord max, the rest of the time the guitar is behind his head.
  • Steph Carter - (Guitar)- Slightly more experienced of the two. Max of 1 1/2 chords. Also Frank's brother. Coincidence much.
  • Stuart Gili-Ross - (Bass)- This guy's ok. By which we mean shit.
  • Lee Barratt - (Drums)- The voice of a chipmunk - and the rhythmic ability of one as well.

Fans[edit | edit source]

Chavs in all ways, except they don't listen to Drum and Bass (even though drum and bass is possibly the best music ever created, it's not all wobbly jump up. . . get to know neurofunk/darkstep). Also all ginger people who don't prefer Paramore. See: Chavs

Discography[edit | edit source]

Albums[edit | edit source]

  • Orchestra of Wolves

The name is thought to have come from Frank's efforts to make his vocals actually sounds comprehendable.

  • Grey Britain

Has a much better recorded sound than the first album. Still shit.