Error 429
Too many requests
Whoops! You made way too many fucking requests. This error has been placed here to mock you and make you rage when you can't wait 30 seconds for a tab to load. Have a great day and impale yourself with a fence post.
429
The HTTP 429 "Too Many Requests" error is a disease meant to push human patience to its limit. Often appearing on browsers like Google Chrome or Mozilla Firefox, this rampant disease seems specifically designed to ragebait individuals who have an attention span shorter than a goldfish. One can catch Error 429 when opening tabs faster than the speed of light, pushing the server to its limit. The result is the server "rate limiting" you. This means that you need to calm the fuck down because the server just isn’t having it anymore. Catching error 429 happens when one decides 67,000 tabs simply isn’t enough for their “work” and proceeds to open 2,000 more in the span of 6 - 7 seconds. Preventing this disease has been proven to be notoriously difficult, mostly because the error message offers almost no information about why it has happened. This has the side effect of making you have to troubleshoot the issue manually.
History[edit | edit source]
Error 429's was created in a time when websites were being overrun by hordes of spambots. These bots would heavily tax servers by spamming requests at the supersonic speeds. To fix this, the 429 error was created to stop bots from overrunning websites. Unfortunately, Error 429 was unable to distinguish between a bot and a human user who really wants to open 67 tabs in a negative amount of time and infected both humans and robots. What really makes error 429 annoying is that the robots, being soulless and emotionless, are completely immune to being ragebaited, while humans are much more sensitive to ragebaiting.
Symptoms[edit | edit source]
If you have contracted the 429 error, you may experience several of these symptoms
- Extended wait times
You may have to wait approximately six or seven business days for server owners to respond to your complaint.
- Patience deprivation
Your goldfish-like attention span will be pushed to its absolute limits when you are forced to wait 30 seconds.
- Rage
Extreme anger at a frowning file icon that’s mocking you for having the attention span of a goldfish. If you can’t deal with the stress of waiting, then you’re better off taking a break until your attention span increases by any amount of time.
How to cure[edit | edit source]
This unfortunate disease does have a cure though. As a User (The "Culprit")
- Learn patience
The server is very kindly asking you to CALM THE FUCK DOWN! WHAT FUCK ARE YOU DOING OPENING TABS FASTER THAN A COMET!
- Clear your cache and cookies
This is obviously because storing a few bytes of website data is what caused the entire server to say STOP.
- Flush your DNS
Basically, turns your computer on and off again. Great for lazy people who can’t hit the power button. As a Website Owner
- Rate Limiting
This means that the server will stop taking requests and give you the error message.
- Blame it on something else
Like all great dictators in history, blame it on something else. This is extremely effective because it leads to people wasting their time explaining why you’re wrong and it was in fact, your servers. Upgrade your hosting plan: Throw money at the problem until it goes away. If you have more server resources, the internet police can't ticket you for going too fast. It's the American way! Contact your hosting provider: They will likely tell you to wait or upgrade your plan, but it's good to let them know you're aware of the server's fragile mental state.