Drog The Misunderstood Caveman Comedian
Drog The Misunderstood Caveman Comedian (lived 1,412,384 BCE - 1,412,360 BCE) was an unpopular (cave)man in his own time, for using what little language was available at the time to ridicule his foul-smelling, hirsute peers (which is not to imply that Drog was less foul-smelling and hirsute).
An Unappreciated Pioneer[edit | edit source]
Drog was known in his own time as simply Drog The Misunderstood Comedian, since, in point of fact, everyone was a caveman, even the women. He originally billed himself as Drog The Comedian, or, in caveman parlance, "Drog The Funny-Man". He changed that the next year by appending the "Misunderstood" to Comedian ("No-One-Get-Me Funny-Man"). This was a result of poor reviews by his contemporaries.
A number of the poor reviews may in fact have been biased against Drog due to the offense he frequently gave his audience. A sample, extracted from cave walls and edited to make it more readable for a modern audience, follows:
- "...I mean, Gargi is the best-looking cave-chick here, and only because she's started shaving her beard! Haha, just joking with you Gargi, you can put that brontosaurus bone down, we love you. But seriously, we're a pretty ugly bunch, I mean, I just found out last week that my mother is actually my father! Yeah, can you believe it? I always wondered why she kept clubbing other cavewomen and then disappearing into caves with them. I'd be less embarrassed now, except that Dad always walks out of the cave a few minutes later, turning back and saying, 'Sorry, this normally never happen. It must be old Sabertooth bite acting up again.' ...What? It's funny because he's impotent!"
- "...I mean, is anyone here planning on showering any time this epoch? I smell T-Rex dung in here! Whew! It must be Zorng the Blind Old Caveman back there -- hey Zorng, how old are you this week? ...What's that, thirty-six?! Haha, that Zorng for you, always exaggerating. Anyway, I figure only Zorng could have stepped in it, seeing as he's blind and all, and that T-Rex dung is pretty freaking huge. ...Oh come on, what? He's blind and old, it's... heh... can't you guys take a joke?"
Too Short a Life[edit | edit source]
Drog died months too early at the ripe old age of 24. An analysis of his skull fragments indicates that they were repeatedly stepped on by a multi-ton reptilian animal some time after his arms were tied with pterodactyl tails and his hairy body was pelted with stone arrows and stone rocks. It is doubted that his death was accidental, as very few cavemen died this way, and they were generally the least popular ones. Drog is remembered by comedian-historians today as a pioneer in the field, and his contributions will not soon be forgotten.