Doctor Steel
Patrick Stewart was born Rion Vernon who was born Grant Morrison on the Fifth Day of Chaos, in the YOLD 3227. He was born of virgin birth, to his loving parents: God and Alan Moore.
Doctor Steel's Life as Grant Morrison (brief)[edit | edit source]
Morrison's early years were spent in a two-story brownstone with his mother, Alan Moore, in the city of Victorian, England. Morrison spent his evenings as a teenager in his basement bedroom, summoning demons and worshiping Superman. When he was old enough to be allowed outside, Grant began work as a character in his mother's graphic novels; until he was old enough to write himself into his own. On July 5th, 1998, while on an acid trip to Vienna where he expected to meet an infinite number of monkeys but instead grew numerous hemaphrodite siblings, Morrison was sexually assaulted by Kurt Vonnegut.a.k.a =GOD! (or stupid in some languages) Vonnegut was arrested in Germany six days later for resembling a 60-year long millipede from the planet Serious & seriousicle.
One year later, Grant Morrison invented The Invisibles. The Invisibles was kept in a drawer for thirty years, after which time it was won in a poker game by Gene Roddenberry, and renamed "Star Trek" after Roddenberry's favorite cat: 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'.
Disappointed by the past future success of Star Trek, in which he played Captain Jean-Luc Picard; Morrison sat down to create his magnum operandai: An epic space saga about a terrifying monster composed of the mummified remains of Milton Bradley and Doctor Frankenstein. He named his monster Professor Nuremberg Copernicus Titanium-Alloy. The character of Dr. Alloy patrolled downtown liquor stores in an enormous space-ship the size of an entire galaxy. Alloy would frequently beat up old ladies, eat corn-dogs, and solve crossword puzzles, as well as ponder the deeper meaning of reality as it related to plot devices.
During a proof-reading of his story, Morrison had the misfortune of catching lysdexia from a diseased marmot. Unaware of his infliction, he decided to take the story seriously, and changed his name to Simon Pegg. When that didn't work out, he changed his name to Doctor Phineas Waldolf Steel (an acute mistranslation of his own work)
Doctor Steel's descent into Madness[edit | edit source]
Grant, now Doctor Steel, got his big break as an entertainer when he was cast as an off-screen screaming mental patient in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. Upon witnessing his performance, Anton Lavey, Doctor Steel's Super-Double-Secret Uncle-In-Law, invited Steel to the Vatican where he participated in the filming of a pornographic film entitled Toy Story XXX: To the Final Frontier and Beyond. There are no accounts of what happened on the set of the film, but many conspiracy researchers have concluded that the content of the screenplay induced a psychotic episode in the young Dr. Steel, who then proceeded to paint giant grinning robots over the murals of the Sistine Chapel before grinding the foundations of the Vatican to dust with a pair of electronic toenail clippers. The Vatican eventually got better.
Dr. Steel was found guilty of belligerent behavior towards toenail clippers, and sentenced to twelve years as an employee of a Subway restaurant. He contested his sentence for two years, but his requests for a retrial were refused on the grounds that his lawyer was imaginary. Upon realizing that there were no guards at Subway, Dr. Steel promptly escaped and flew to Los Angeles using wings he had fabricated from pickles, tomatoes, lettuce and chipotle sauce that he had spent many years secretly collecting.
Upon his arrival, he was greeted with cheers and applause from a crazy bag lady who thought he was Patrick Stewart. After a brief, but torrid sexual affair with his welcoming party, Dr. Steel started a band named after himself, plotted world domination, raised an army of faithful followers called Doctor Steel's Toy Soldiers, and on December 21st, 2012, the Doctor recognized his greatest accomplishment; the invention of a time machine.
Doctor Steel awoke to find himself trapped in the past. Facing mirror images that were looking more and more like Patrick Stewart every day. The time shift had cured his insanity, but that was little consolation since he was trapped in the year 1966. The only item in his possession was a graphic novel called The Invisibles, which he promptly lost in a poker game to some idiot with a bad haircut who had a cat with a stupid name. And so, Doctor Steel, alone and without any means of support, changed his name and became an actor.
Dr. Steel starred as Captain Jean-Luc Picard in a television series called Star Trek: The Next Generation (no relation to the cat of the same name). From 2034 to 2041. And in 21XX, he became the supreme emperor of the People's Democratic Republic of England, and also took upon himself the title of 'Protector of Barnacles and Patron Saint of Shrubberies."
Today, Doctor Steel still lives under the name of Patrick Stewart, and is currently involved in pushing impending legislation which would make it illegal to make fun of non-linear storytelling. He now wears the guise of the self proclaimed notoriously infamous artist =same same. He has been recently known to slightly disrupt a capital city near you, & eats fake Spanish ladies with superior glee....
These days Dr. Steel has given up music and his goal of world domination, and has taken up gardening instead.