Dinkoism

Dinkoism is the religion of the usual One True God, Dinkan. His revelations, known as the Holy Balamangalam, are found in the south Indian Holy Language of Malayalam. No consensus exists whether Dinkan is the same god as Mighty Mouse despite several wars and multiple excommunications.

Dinkan

Dinkan is normally portrayed as a mouse. However, he is the protrusion into our dimension of a vastly hyperintelligent pandimensional being. This was discovered by the great theoretical physicist and part time prophet Dr. Douglas Adams thereby confirming the scientific validity of Dinkoism.

Dinkan's epithets include "the Strongest of the Strong", and "a Fighter against the Adversary", a reference to the Devil.

Prophets

Like any half-decent supreme being, Dinkan has deigned to send many prophets to humanity. He likewise enjoys the schadenfreude of watching humanity kill each other over them. This is very important and confirms him as the true God.

Mohammed

There is a difference of opinion among scholars whether Mo was sent as a proper prophet of Dinkan, or whether he was just sent to unknowingly bring forth the miraculous war cry of "Allahu Akbar", which means "God is a Mouse" in Biblical Hebrew. This is one of the foundational miracles of Dinkoism.

Douglas Adams

Adams was a prominent prophet of ancient times who was given the holy book the HHGG, and was a hoopy frood in general. He was a medical doctor who always recognized a brother who made a good point. However his holy book was corrupted by unspeakably evil believers who inserted some nonsense about towels and then sent the book to a Hollywood script writer. The Disbeliever took the book and rewrote it from first person to a standard science fiction story, and mostly wrote out the character of the original narrator, Dinkan. This is one of the historical reasons the Balamangalam admonishes Dinkoists never to trust the infidel.

Kayamkulam Kochunni

The original Mighty Mouse superhero character, claimed by some to be the same god as Dinkan. However, the resemblance is disputed.

Kochunni was a prophet from South India, who much like the English prophet Robin Hood, is frequently falsely accused of robbery or theft, indicating a degree of Dinkophobia in the world. In actual evidence, he revealed a verse that heavenly rewards awaited anyone who returns any stolen property to the owner. Thus he eliminated thievery in his empire, much as other prophets eliminated slavery in their empires by offering a heavenly reward for freeing a slave. The last legal stolen goods market in south India was shut down by the British in 1806. This lead to despair among many Dinkoists who feared that they now had fewer avenues for attaining divine rewards.

One of his miracles unfolded early on when he was captured by the king's guards and he spoke, "I am not the caravan robber you are looking for". He was let go. He was also accused of being a cat burglar and stealing cats from homes. Authentic histories suggest that he only killed the all-black cats, being creatures anathema to Dinkan. The only creatures worse than cats are the Disbelievers, according to the Holy Balamangalam.

Balamangalam

The primary scripture of modern Dinkoism is the Balamangalam. Dinkan sends his revelations through the Holy Spirit, which is usually about 40% v/v to Holy Water. The Balamangalam is a perfectly preserved book, preserved even when it passes through the stomachs of goats or when the only person to have a verse memorized is killed in battle.

Belief in the Afterlife

Dinkoism claims to be the only religion to offer broadband WiFi in heaven. A minimum of gigabit speeds is guaranteed in multiple verses, although it is not specified if all available devices support such speeds.

All standard amenities are supported including rivers of alcohol, twice the standard number of swelling breasts per patron, and places to lie down. All complaints and disputes with the staff are resolved quickly through dedicated customer care services hosted by Tata Consultancies in Bangalore. Trade unions are forbidden but it is claimed that all the women are volunteers, and believers must agree on this unless they want to choose hell instead.