Daron Malakian

Before the rebellion.

Daron Malakian is the guitarist, secondary vocalist and songwriter for System of a Down. He wasn't even listed as a member in the band until in the third album when he had written a song (critics were encouraging that he should try to do a hell of a lot better). Back in the old days, Serj Tankian would shave Daron's beard and look after his appearance. This continued on until Daron's rebellion and subsequent hiatus.

Somewhere after Steal This Album! Daron had lunch with Walt Disney and from that point on he decided to write all his songs in a nice fashion in hopes that the songs will appear in upcoming Disney films. This era brought songs such as, "Violent Pornography", and "She's Like Heroin".

Origins of Scars on Broadway

Scars on Broadway started when the members of System of a Down were all in the local bar drinking malt vinegar (as they do to get that distinct vocal sound). When they got onto the subject of their births, everyone was shocked to find out that Daron was the only member born in America. This caused a huge argument and later ended in a drunken scuffle on the floor between Serj and Daron. The fight had started over Serj claiming he wanted to give up smoking marijuana (the holy leaf which all good Christians smoke). Horrified by Serj committing such a sin, Daron declared he could no longer work with him and decided that the band should go on hiatus. Daron secretly plotted revenge by creating his own band. "I'll show you!" he said. Serj and Shavo laughed in his face, "John, remember that time we smuggled the pot scented comic books in from Mexico and I bailed you out?" "Yeah?" replied John. "I'm calling in the favor, now come with me, to broadway!"

Serj and Shavo proceeded, yet again to laugh in their faces and drink malt vinegar. This is how Scars on Broadway was founded, before being dismissed two days later after they all forgot about these events.

After splitting up

After rebelling, notice the beard and lack of style and the beard.

Several months later, after leaving a malt vinegar rehab clinic, Daron bumped into John in an alleyway and said "let's restart Scars on Broadway!". John agreed as long as he got minimum wage while Daron took all of the credit. Daron also was allowed to keep the beard. He was oddly adamant about the beard.

Serj decided to start a solo career and write strange songs while wearing a white Abe Lincoln suit in a children's park for a disturbing music video. He was promptly sued for copying Michael Jackson right before drowning in a ball pit.

Present

For some unknown reason, Daron decided to cancel the Scars on Broadway tour. Since then, there was little report of him. Some claim that he moved to Amsterdam (for the weed), but the more widely accepted of these is that he was kidnapped by psychotic fangirls and has been held captive for their pleasure. It is rumoured that the entire kidnapping affair was orchestrated by the CIA, and backed personally by George W. Bush.

Somehow, Daron returned and released a new Scars on Broadway album. Experts are now claiming that Daron opened a time rift from 2009 to 2018. When asked if this was true, Daron avoided responding to the question altogether. There have since been several four hour long YouTube documentaries and as of writing, three Netflix miniseries about Daron's disappearance and subsequent reappearance, but the answer remains unknown. Where did he go? What did he see?

Games that feature Daron

1996 - Super Mario 64, there are rumors that Daron is an unlockable character in the game. There is speculation that the low res plaque texture in the castle courtyard can be read as "Daron is Real". I found this out by meeting a long lost uncle who claimed to work for Nintendo. I'm sure he wasn't lying. Seriously. Thinking about it, he also looked suspiciously like Daron but sporting a beard.

2009 - Guitar Hero: Fan Edition. Neversoft decided that the only way to appease the Guitar Hero fanbase was was to listen exclusively to them. It featured every single Dragonforce song in existence (including demos), and a couple of System of a Down songs. There was sadly no Scars on Broadway. though.

At some point in the last decade - Rock Band: it has so much DLC. Trust me, he's there.

2019 - Fortnite: Daron was intended to be added to Fortnite in 2019. Unfortunately, due to communication issues Epic Games were unable to secure the rights to Daron's name and likeness. After several weeks of their emails going ignored, Epic announced on June 28th 2019 that they were changing Daron into Fortnite original character "John Wick".