Chris Davey
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Chris Davey is a famous politician in Great Britain and leader of the Gay Minor Pride Party.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Chris Davey was born on April 1st 1968, and lived in Brixton, attending Tulse Hill School. He studied politics at the University of Glasgow. He travelled round the world for many years after graduating, before working for the Halliburton Corporation in America for 8 years, helping to train male prostitutes to infiltrate the Bush administration. He later described this time as "one of the most physically satisfying times I have ever had". He left the Corporation in 2001 to return to Britain, where he would form the Gay Minor Pride Party.
The Gay Minor Pride Party[edit | edit source]
Mr. Davey formed the party in 2001, with the support of five other founding members: Osama Bin Laden, Brian Peppers, Rob Pongi, Darcus Howe, and the ghost of Oliver Cromwell.
The party's main aim is to represent the interests of the gay Morris Minor owners of Great Britain, who as Mr. Davey said when announcing the creation of the party at a press conference on August 26th 2001, have been "woefully underrepresented in our sham democracy in Great Britain".
The party had little support in its first year, with the membership totalling only a pitiful 37 after 12 months of the party's existence.
However, with the US Invasion of Iraq 2003, the Gay Minor Pride Party decided to take the bold stance in favour of the War on Terra, with party leader Davey making the now infamous statement that "this party will stop at nothing to assure that the air is black with smoke from an army of Morris Minor cars, and make it impossible for anyone in this country to breath. I have a dream... of a land where little black boys and black girls will be able to join little white boys and white girls lying on the pavement as they collapse, gasping for breath, retching and coughing. And to that end, we shall support the noble cause of this great War on Terra."
This move greatly surprised political commentators, as Mr. Davey had in past expressed his opposition to President George W. Bush, based Bush's comment that "I am against gay marriage. I am also against widespread literacy and the refrigeration of food." However, when pressed on the issue, Mr. Davey said that "while we disagree on many things, there is on thing that unites us, and that is the greatest threat that we face today: the environment. We must win this war on terra, at all costs."
This policy stance in 2003 lead to a massive increase in support for the party, with the membership increasing to over 2.7 million by the end of 2003. However it came as a price, for the founding member Osama Bin Laden left the party after a series of heated rows with Davey and other high party members. He is reported to be currently living in Slough, driving an Islamic ice cream van, bringing the message of Allah and the fact that Mohammed is his prophet to gay Minor drivers up and down the country.
2005 election[edit | edit source]
In the 2005 election, the party only received 2.4% of the nation vote, and only 3 seats in Parliament, despite the prediction of a great victory that could have swept the party into power. How did this happen? Following the hugely successful policy in support of the War on Terra, great results were predicted for the 2005 election. The party campaigned with the slogan "unbreathable air in our time". Their policies were announced on February 14th 2005, and the key policies were as follows:
Elimination of income tax for those earning over £30,000, with a 50% tax increase for those earning less than £30,000.
A ban on airbags; restore the freedom to travel through the windscreen.
Compulsory buggery.
Increased trade and political co-operation with Jamaica.
Morris Minor owners to be freed from the restrictions of road safety laws.
All Catholics to be deported to Ireland.
The military to concentrate on the war on terra, and be put to the task of building factories to fill the air with smoke. Also, the dumping of nuclear waste in the Amazon rainforest.
Legalise all drugs.
Abolish the monarchy and replace the current Queen with a gay pair of Kings, SJK and Bill
These polices seemed to appeal greatly to the general party membership, and in an independent poll by YouGov, 63% of those who had previously said that they would "never" vote for the Gay Minor Pride Party said that they might "consider it" in light of these policies. Everything seemed set for a great election result for the party, but just 2 weeks before the election, disaster struck for the party, with the North Korean funding scandal.
North Korean funding scandal[edit | edit source]
On 20th April 2005, the social commentator and journalist Hyoung-Moo Cho revealed that he had found evidence that proved a link between the Gay Minor Pride Party and officials in the North Korean state. Mr. Cho revealed in an article in the daily sport newspaper the next day the proof that all 6 founding member had travelled to North Korea in early 2001, and had met with a number of North Korean officials involved in the areas of the military, commerce and rice departments of government. Subsequent visits in following years were generally carried out by Brian Peppers and Rob Pongi, averaging at around 6 times a year. Mr. Cho received documents from an anonymous North Korean official who had defected to South Korea, proving that the leaders of the Gay Minor Pride Party had received funding secretly from several North Korean officials amounting to over £78 million, in exchange for specifications to Morris Minor cars that the North Korean government intended to customise for military use.
The moment the story broke, there was outrage throughout the land. That evening from the Party headquarters in Bristol, Mr. Davey gave a press conference, in which he said that the rumours were "completely untrue" and that it was "propaganda from supporters of Terra". He did, however, add that he would launch "a complete and full investigation into the matter." Three days later, under immense pressure from the opposition, Mr. Davey announced that "there may be some truth to these rumours", and that he had just "sadly accepted the resignation of Brian Peppers and Rob Pongi".
However, despite the resignation of Rob Pongi and Brian Peppers, the damage was done, and on May 5th 2005, the electorate voted overwhelmingly in favour of the new Moskau! Party, lead by Dschingis Khan, with the party gaining a majority of 187. The dance minister of the party, Alex Hadjidakis, called the victory "a great result for democracy and crazy pop music." The most damning attack on the poor performance of the party came from renowned political commentator William Mercer, who said on Newsnight that "Davey and the Gay Minor Pride Party have preformed so badly in this election, he might as well give up, as both he and his party will be dead soon."
The future of the party[edit | edit source]
After the disappointing election result, and the ending of support form North Korea, the Gay Minor Pride Party has had to try and rebuild itself. It faces new threats with the formation of the Korea First Party, led by Hyoung-Moo Cho, who became a cult hero after exposing the North Korean funding scandal. The Moskau! Party also seems to have an unassailable popularity currently in Britain. However, the party does have new members to fill in vacant posts, with DJ Tomekk and Alan Duncan. Still there is much work to be done for the party to recover its lost support.
Personal details of Chris Davey[edit | edit source]
Chris Davey currently lives in Brighton, with his partner, Hugh Brand-Gale. He is also known to be vegetarian, and enjoys reading poetry. He is believed to be a keen Belgium stamp collector.
Recent Events![edit | edit source]
Mr Davey recently quit after being exposed by the News of the World to have had sexual relations with male prostitutes. After quitting as party leader, he himself became a rent boy, and now works in the Brighton area. He has plans to go to America however, and work as a rent boy in Topeka, Kansas.