Chav/Translations

Because Chavs breed like filthy, FILTHY rabbits, you may end up having to talk to one, as there is now no getting away from these horrid excuses for sub-humanity. As such, here is a helpful guide for understanding what chavs say: the really bad chavs are jc&sk

The Complete Compilation of Innit

• Innit: Hello.
• Innit: I have HIV, Hepatitis C AND Rabies!
• Innit: Please could you give me your dog so i can have sexual intercourse with it.
• Innit: I am a stupid, fat arsehole of a chav.
• Innit: I hate you because you are better than me.
• Innit: I hate pond life because it is better than me.
• Innit: I did not pass my GCSEs/i was expelled two years before i had a chance to take them.
• Innit: I am in fine possession of an ASBO.
• Innit: If it is better to exist than not exist, and God is perfect, does that not mean God exists?
• Innit: Good evening fine sir, could one be so ostentatious as to ask a fine gentleman/madam as yourself to part ways with your currency?
• Innit: Excuse me my good sir, are you searching for a slap to the face?
• Innit: Do you subscribe more to an empiric or rationalist school of thought, my good man?
• Innit: I believe I have obtained the sole rights to sexual congress with this woman, and if you do not stop looking at my esteemed female partner here, I may be required to place my fist in your visage.
• Innit: Aren't these big hoop earrings just lovely?
• Innit: Just when will the government enforce a socialist regime, that is, a socialist regime within a democratic state?
• Innit: I haven't got anything interesting to say.
• Innit: I am pregnant/have got someone pregnant.
• Innit: Im too retarded to learn an intsrument so I will procede to swear along to a mixed version of the famous 1985 song 'girls just wanna have fun' I illigaly downloaded from an internet porn site.
• Innit: I am too thick to get a job, so I will now proceed to steal all your cash/possessions
• Innit: Can you direct me to where I obtain a car body kit, big boy spoilers and chrome alloys for my 1987 Ford Escort, prithee?
• Innit: Would you be so kind as to purchase an alcoholic beverage for me? I am awfully thirsty.
• Innit: Why yes, today is a rather splendid day for a walk in the park, I'll make the picnic, you go steal us a car.
• Innit: I am currently employed at a McDonald's franchise.
• Innit: I am currently employed at a supermarket (part time).

(don't bother learning these two - you're unlikely to meet a chav with a job).

• Innit: I am currently unemployed.
• Innit: I live in a council shed in Middlesbrough.
• Innit: I have no idea who my child's father/mother is.
• Innit: I say sir, touch me again and I'll be forced to take appropriate actions by reconstructing your face.
• Innit: Please place all the money you possess in my hand within the next 7 seconds or I will be forced to perform the well known 'Pimp slap' manoeuvre on the right hand side of your face. Later this day I will either hand the money to my drug dealer who has been asking "Where's my money?" over and over for the past 4 and a half months, or I will use it to buy a 3 litre bottle of cheap cider from my local Aldi.
• Innit: I got my 12 year old sister pregnant. Twice!
• Innit: I got my 12 year old sister pregnant. Thrice!
• Innit: I watch my dad rape my mum
• Innit: I eat fishy pussy

Common Chav Phrases

• Your Mum: I really do lack the intelligence and creativity to come up with something understandable to anyone with an IQ of above 3.5 so will therefore go on to insult someone that probably has a more interesting and meaningful life than me and my "mandem".
• lowe it man: stop it, your starting to get me scared
• YO' FUCKIN' KNOB'EAD: You are a person I am not enthralled to be in front of in this moment, presently.
• Dats bangin' mate!!: Oh yes that is rather spiffing old fellow.
• Wat r u gawpin' at: What are you looking at sir, if I may politely enquire?
• Know wha' I'm sayin'?: Are you aware of what I am saying?
• I'll fuckin' bang ya: I shall now push you in front of my acquaintances to prove I am the dominant male of the species.
• I'll break your fuckin' neck!: Old chum, would you please not use such long and complicated phrases as they are giving me the most terrible headache, and if you persist I will be forced to hit someone smaller than me.
• Look dats ol me bledrins! Bunch of funkin' wankers they is: May I introduce you to my friends? What a fine group of people they are.
• Dirty Greebo: Although you are both cleaner, and better dressed than I, I still feel a need to be provoked by your higher place
• Wowowowowow.... Don't bang innit: I see that you have far superior fighting abilities compared to myself. I shall have to remember to bring twice as many friends next time we meet.
• Ooh-ye-fuckin'-mosher-like-i'll-smash-you-up-proper-like-fuckin'-wanker-ooh innit: Sir, I am warning you, please step away from me or I will become mildly irritated. I strongly insist that you proceed away from my territory. May I also add that your attire irritates me most profusely.
• Yo Yo Yo, I have no beef with you dog!: I have not disrespected your culture, so why are you resorting to physical violence?
• Ya got tha time m8?!: My time is money and is not to be wasted. I want to get a good look at your phone/watch so I can mug you in that underpass over there.
• Ya, mutha: For sooth old bean, my sense of humour is simply divine!
• I'd tap that: I wish to borrow your girlfriend for a night, would you be so kind as to oblige? I will try my best not to transfer chlamydia to her but I'll make no guarantees, OK old chum?
• Brer: I consider you to be a close friend/sex partner of mine.
• BoomTing: Your EveryThing a Person Of The opposite sex looks for
• Beig: I do apologise sir, but I consider nerds/geeks/emos/Wikipedia editors such as yourself to be of a superior calibre in every way to my species. Thus you cannot become one of our friends. I feel threatened by your superiorty and I suggest you run for your life immediately.
• Iz it cuz i iz fit blud?: Are you making that decision purely on my aesthetic appearance?
• I iz bangin in de ghetto: One considers himself quite popular in his homeland.
• Iz yus dizzy blud: Are you of a safe frame of mind dear compatriot? (rhetorical)
• Fookin' Goff: Salutations, fellow citizen! Your taste in earrings and necklaces is quite fine.
• And then I was like...: After he had made his somewhat funny quip I rapidly followed with a rather humorous anecdote of my own. I conversed as follows...
• GIZ A WET!: Excuse me, my good man, could I request a beverage? I'm awfully thristy.
• Yer Mam: Your mother was on fine form last night, old chap.
• Ere leek I'll do yer windys in: I would prefer not to cause offence by inflicting actual bodily harm upon your person. Therefore, I shall instead proceed to make short work of your windows with this large brick.
• I'll do yer knees in leek: My most sincere apologies old boy, but your conduct toward me and my chums has encouraged me to inflict severe damage upon your leg benders.
• Yo' what?: Sincere apologies, my dear old chap, but I had the misfortune of not hearing the last few words you were so kind as to speak. [OR] I must apologise but I must express my disbelief at the statement you just uttered.
• Innit Bled?: I agree.
• You better watch it m8!: You are not really my compatriot, nor do I even respect you particularly. It would give me great pleasure to stab you.
• Safe:They Like What Your Sayying
• You need a hair cut you fuckin' smelly greebo: I am threatened by the huge cultural differences between yourself and I. Perhaps if you were more like me and removed your long hair via shaving I would not feel so threatened.
• OIOI: Hello ol' bean!
• Wudent fukken do one: No thank you.
• I declare Jihad on yo ass!: I shall return with my other chums for a boxing challenge with you next time we meet.
• I got cauwt wiv 'eat in me gaff!: One was unfortunate enough to have his firearm on display in his abode when the law enforcement workers happened to make their standardised check-up.
• Ur getin bnged clean owt m8: Not to ring my own bell, but I believe you are close to your demise as I declare that I am planning to donate to your head an excessive amount of force, possible enough to remove your cerebrum and cerebellum respectively.
• Safe mayt, chek out me new henri's: Hello old friend, how are you today? Please regard my rather smashing Henri Lloyd tracksuit bottoms.
• Ma Pug 206 'atchback. I dun it up so it cun top 190 m8: I get overtaken by caravans on the A1 in my Peugeot 206. It is obscenely loud with a faulty exhaust and shakes violently when it reaches 70 MPH.
• C'mon den blud!: Im going to tell my bigger and less intelligent brother about you.
• Caw you're FFFFiiitt!: My fine lady, I do admire your fine physique, and I would most like to engage in sexual intercourse with you.
• PengYour Rather Attractive
• Brap: A word commonly used by chavs, brap is usually said when elated at news and/or trying to seem like they have a gun in their hand (usually trying to mimick a guns sound)
• Braap: See Brap
• Braaaap: See Braap
• Braaaaaaaaaap: See Braaaap
• Check out me new rims m8: Hello dear Friend, will you join me in viewing these rather useless new pieces of plastic on my car which I spent an entire months worth of stolen currency/valuables?
• Go slit yer wrists fookin' Emo: Hello. It seems you have your hair over one eye and you like emo/rock music, therefore you obviously self-harm and you should go home and do exactly that.
• So's Ya Mam: Hello, I would like to try and show you what an amazingly funny and original sense of humour I have!
• What the fuk daft cunt?: - Why are you hurting me in a strange manner?
• I'll chin ya daft cunt: - If you do not cease in your provocative manner, I will engage in fisticuffs with you.
• How like how: - Hello, my good chum, what are you doing?
• Ya wat!: Excuse me my kind fellow, I believe you said something that offends me or any other pathetic chav like myself, so would you kindly repeat it so I may then proceed to reconfigure your face with a large brick/baseball bat?
• Fuck off or i'll shank ya mate: I would appreciate it if you would move away from the close proximity before I feel the need to wound you with something with which one pierces things.
• GET YER TITS OWT!: Excuse me, madame, but I don't suppose you happen to mind if you just lift up your shirt for a few seconds so I can indulge in the sight of your beautiful and large knockers, eh?
• I'll fuckin' bang yer owt!: Incredibly sorry, old chum, but if you don't vacate the area in the next ten seconds I will be forced to fling my arms around randomly so that they repeatedly hit you in the stomach until you fall to the ground.
• You wanna fuckin' gor!?: Excuse me, but you've offended me. Ergo, I believe this is due to the fact that you are looking for a scrap, no?
• I'll have ya, ya bastad!: You're obviously smaller, weaker, and younger than me, so i'm going to hurt you in a violent fashion.
• Now den.: Hello old chum.
• 'Im over der's a reet daft cunt 'e is.: You see that person there? He's pretty cool, don't you think?
• ARGH FUCK IT.: Nevermind.
• Chav: Council House Associated Vermin / Council Housed And Violent
• mandem: other fellows such as my good self who also happen to be my good aqaitences
• bruv:i am really bad jcsk
• eat-me bruv do you want some food bruv

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