Blind people in snooker

Whether or not the Rocket technically qualifies as a blind snookerer is a matter of much scholarly debate (see below).

Blind people have been involved in the intense and wild sport of snooker since its inception in almost all roles, including as spectators, commentators, coaches, referees, and players (usually referred to as blind snookerers). The one role they have never been permitted to partake in is ball polisher. They are currently not allowed to shine the balls, a grievous injustice due to bigotry.

History

The game of snooker was invented the unecessarily complex game while he was responsible for plundering and butchering india as a moral booster for his plundering and butchering underlings. Initially, the game made morale much worse as the game was confusing and it took away from the underlings drinking and plundering time. All too many underlings ended up impaled on a cue.

To make the game more fun, Chamberlain invited blind starving indians to play with the potential reward of a few grains of rice if they one. Considered a slightly mean yet hilarious schtick, the blind Indian peasants ended up beating the soldiers. The soldiers were not amused. They mysteriously ended up being impaled on cues.

The game was exported around the World (the whole world being mostly the United Kingdom) and found some success with trashy Englishmen. The tradition of blind people playing continued though they were often excluded, ridiculed and ended up mysteriously impaled on cues.

Discrimination

These days people who are visually challenged are permitted to handle sticks, pot balls and chalk up their tips. However they are not permitted to shine balls by spitting on them and rubbing them all over until satisfied (caressing them with white gloves in tournament play). The world has not progressed enough to allow these simple pleasures even though the world has passed such notable milestones as the first female ball cleaners, the first queer ball cleaners and even the very controversial at first but now completely accepted queer female small people double ball cleaners (they can fit two in their hands while polishing). The World Snooker Federation is debating ending this one and final restriction, not out of common sense but from fear of being cancelled by Twitter trolls (or X trolls).

Advantages and disadvantages

A blind pool player. Notice the subtle differences between pool and snooker.

Advantages

Blind snookerers aren't distracted by the bright lights that snooker halls are known for. They also don't have to witness the horror of a foul shot (though they obviously hear it).

The biggest advantage blind snookerers have over their sighted counterparts is their naturally heightened sense of smell. Blind people can distinguish between the different coloured balls by both sound but also smell. The pink ball apparently smells like rosewater tobacco while the white ball smells like privilege. However, a trained blind snookerer can use these scents to distinguish between balls, and even use the strength of the smell to sense their position and speed. Most of all they can smell their opponents fear. When too much sweat drips down their opponents behind, they can definitely smell that.

Disadvantages

Blind snookerers tend to "shank" their shots much more frequently than their sighted counterparts. This is not due to forgetting to chalk their stick, but rather due to an inexplicable difficulty keeping their "eye on the ball", so to speak. Blind snookerers' naturally heightened sense of hearing is also a disadvantage. Every little sound in the stands is exponentially more distracting to blind snookerers than sighted snookerers, but the worst is when a bloody yankee tries to pronounce the word snooker. Blind snookerers consider this faux pas, as well as just about everything Americans do, to be deeply offensive. (For a more thorough explanation on the topic, please see the Nugget aka Sir Steve Davis give an eloquent explanation in this YouTube clip.)

Furthermore, blind snookerers sometimes have difficulty in identifying which table is the actual snooker table. Sometimes blind players will play half a match at the wrong table until someone else realises the error (after all, all blind people sort of look the same).

Emergence in professional snooker

How the hell did these two make it to the semis?

The only two confirmed blind snookerers who have ever made it past the first round of the World Snooker Championship at the Crucible are the Wally (aka Ricky Walden) and the Hawk (aka Barry Hawkins), and they remarkably faced each other in the semi-finals of the 2013 World Championship. Their 2013 World Championship match was lauded around the world as one of the bravest sporting event to have ever inspired other marginalised folk. Both players thought they were winning, mainly because they kept potting one another's balls, though no one told them and they simply assumed they potted their own. The game ended in a strange draw. No one is sure if either player advanced to the next round.

Their match is still fondly remembered by many other blind players who were also equally wrong about the result as the commentator was mute and there were no captions for the blind given. The two players eventually retired and went on to become recreational blind plane pilots, graphic artists and volunteer firefighters. They both failed their air traffice controller test, not due to competency but for not passing the drug test randomly administered.

Blind referees

A blind referee. Notice that society has pressured him into wearing spectacles instead of his preferred sunglasses.

Blind referees first began working snooker tournaments in the late 1980s and have steadily increased in participation rate ever since. The idea of having blind people officiate snooker tournaments was inspired by the National Football League's wildly successful implementation of blind referees, which also led to blind umpires calling Major League Baseball games.

The Dragon (aka Ding Junhui) has been an especially strong proponent of blind referees in snooker. Whenever the cue ball is in any sort of tough position, the Dragon will, without fail, tell the referee to clean the cue ball. The blind referee, not allowed to clean it, will pass it on to an able visioned assistant, who will rub the balls all over until there isn't a trace of dust, hair or sweat on it. Once the referee has it back, they will place it on the table. Dragon doesn't care about cleaning the ball but obviously hopes it will end up in a slightly different spot afterwards, and the Dragon really appreciates it when a blind referee gives the surrounding object balls a little nudge for good luck.

Reactions

The entry of blind referees into the world of snooker officiating was controversial at first. Commentators and players were worried by some of their obvious disadvantages. For example during the first official match with a blind referee, the referee's bow-tie was crooked and was not straightened until an embarrassed official pointed out the 10º clockwise slant on the bow-tie angle. Once this outrageous violation of etiquette was corrected, most of their fears were alleviated and blind refs slowly found acceptance. Some fans still don't believe to this day that blind judges are appropriate, but this is always disregarded as vicious ableist bigotry.

Advantages

Blind referees are consistently better than sighted ones. This is because they cannot discriminate players based on their colour, race, or sex. As long as the players do not speak, the referee can only judge them by their performance. However, for unknown reasons, they do have a higher chance of being accidentally stabbed with the cue by a blind player.

The Rocket

The Rocket broke several snooker records and a few of the laws of physics with his first maximum.

Many snooker fans and commentators have long suspected that seven-time world champion the Rocket (aka Ronnie O'Sullivan) might be a blind snookerer. The Rocket has never confirmed this one way or the other, always brushing off questions about his possible blindness by telling stories about crumpets or dolphins or something random and confusing. While snooker does not have an undisputed GOAT (like Phil Taylor in darts), the Rocket is widely considered to be the most naturally talented snookerer of all time, and many believe that his raw talent may be due to an extraordinarily heightened sense of smell that only a blind person could possess.

The Rocket holds the record for fastest maximum break, 5 minutes and 8 seconds, which he set at the 1997 World Snooker Championship. During the frame, the Rocket clearly was not even looking at the balls or the table, playing solely by feel, instincts and smell. While not using vision does not prove a lack of vision, it certainly bolsters the theory that the Rocket is a blind snookerer.

While the Rocket has achieved a massive amount of success in professional snooker, his performance has also been very inconsistent throughout his career, and inconsistent play is a trait common among all blind snookerers. Some have suggested that the Rocket's inconsistency could be due to his unpredictable mood swings, drugs and alcohol, but blindness is a much more plausible explanation. While consuming alcohol is not required during professional snooker (like it is in professional darts), it is certainly helpful and encouraged.