Basil Brush
“I"M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE TONIGHT”
“Hit the CAPSLOCK spastic, YOU"RE SHOUTING AGAIN!”
Popular celebrity Basil Montague Penelope Duck Innards Poultry Blood Tantivvy Tantivvy Brush Hyphen Brush (Pron. Ba-zill Bru-sh) characterised by his well known catch-phrase "Bong Bong, quick pack another one Mr Rodney".
A Star is Born - Basil The Early Years[edit | edit source]
Rumoured to be the love child of Margaret Thatcher and Terry-Thomas, family similarities can be seen in hair colour, accent, jovial sense of humour, love of tweed and their utmost concern for the less well off.
Brother of United States Emperor George W Brush.
Basil Brush is England's foremost investigative journalist, responsible for blowing the lid on both the Iran-Contra Affair and Lord Mountbatten's boat.
First appearing on British television in 1668 just after Great Fire of London, Basil applied the same dogged determination to his television role that he had applied to his earlier career as a medieval rat catcher. This behaviour ensured that in in the late 1970's, he became the prime suspect in a Scotland Yard investigation into his affairs, after the bodies of seven BBC programming executives where found with their throats ripped out in London's notorious "Jack the Fox" serial murders.
Despite formal charges being laid, the presiding judge found the connotations of the media inspired nickname for the killer, "Jack the Fox", predjudiced Brush from a Fair Trial due to his Foxxy ethnicity. The trial was aborted however the accusations and well publicised court appearances became an unspoken blight on Brush's career that appeared impossible to recover from.
Critics argue that Brush missed his best years of work, where, despite the new wave of gritty northern british cinema sweeping the world, continual rejection for roles he seemed born to play prevented him from becoming "The Brando of the British Film industry".
Brush, pushed to the limits of despair, unsuccessfuly fought crippling alcoholism, drug abuse and the lenses of the papparazzi for longer than 20 years. His role in the formation of the SODEMALL party did not help either.
Basil Brush Show Comeback (2002)[edit | edit source]
After a much denied facelift and ear augmentation, Basil returned to the small screen in 2002 with a keenly anticipated new sidekick "Mr Stephen" Hawkins.
Basil's eagerly awaited comeback suffered historically low ratings, primarily as a result of "Mr Stephen"'s obvious lack of education, slow wittedness and difficulty with comic timing, due in part to the delay in his Commodore64 based voice synthesiser.
In episode 5 the BBC (British Broadcasting Commission) embarked on a desperate attempt to improve the situation by changing the style of the programme (program) and introducing an American character named Lucy. This tactic was an attempt to appeal to viewers under 25, who were unaware that any country, other than the United States, had ever produced humour based programmes (programs), and hence were unable to comprehend irony, banter, caricature, repartee or parody.
The Tragic Clowns - Where are they Now[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, neither the change to situation based style of comedy, nor the addition of a nasally whining voice to the cast improved the ailing ratings. Official figures for episode 5 showed an initially healthy doubling of viewers to 4, however it was discovered that these viewers were all cast members.
As a result, Basil was killed off in early 2004 by a BBC employed hitman using a poison tipped umbrella on a crowded London footpath (sidewalk).
Basil's tail now adorns the aerial(antennae) of Queen Elizabeth's ceremonial horse-drawn landau (buggy).
Lucy went on to star in several of her own sitcoms. The most well known of which "I Love Lucy" still earns the star's estate, in excess of $50.00 per year in repeat royalties from Latin American countries around the world.
The whereabouts of Mr Stephen remain unknown after a simple miscalculation triggered an undocumented encounter with God in a Black Hole of his own making. What can be learnt from history is Mr Stephens is highly likely to return and once again become the supreme leader of the Dalek race fulfilling his destiny as Master of the Universe.