Arabic alphabet

The phrase "ALLAHU AKBAR!" written in the Arabic alphabet.

Once you've slurped one noodle up, you'll inevitably beg for more.

The Arabic alphabet (or "abjad" for smartass nerds who feel the need to correct people about everything, even when they aren't right) is a special type of spaghetti commonly associated with jihadis and suicide bombers. While many insist that it is an Arabic invention due to its name and use by Islamic extremists, Italians continue to insist that they invented it, being pasta, after all. Yes, something can be called the Arabic alphabet and still be Italian: after all, French fries are from Belgium, Hawaiian pizza is Canadian, and Canadian bacon makes any real Canuck want to smash his own skull with a hockey stick.

Compared to other kinds of pasta, the Arabic alphabet is rarely served on airplanes, due to the ancient superstitions of the middle-aged lady down the street who screams at kids who walk on her lawn.

History

Following the collapse of the Roman Empire, many Greek and Roman ideas and classical scientific studies were imported into the Middle East (although anything that contradicted the Koran in any way was destroyed on sight.) Such ideas included the fine art of Italian pasta.

Eventually, the famed Yemeni scholar Al-Osama bin Aladdin Hussein inevitably imported some alphabet soup from Italy, and used it to teach the desert barbarians how to write. Eventually, his supply of alphabet soup ran out. Unaware of any writing system that was not based on pasta, he devised his own alphabet, based entirely on spaghetti strands, and thus, the Arabic alphabet was born.

To this day, residents of oil-rich war-torn villages in the Middle East continue to go apeshit over encountering a fish with patterns that vaguely resemble squiggly lines reading "There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is his messenger". (The closer the fish patterns are to this, the more likely it becomes that the fish is merely Facebook AI slop.)

Usage

Th 'rbc 'lphbt 's prfct fr 'nyn wh rlly hts vwls 'r 's 'wflly 'frd f thm. Th cndtn 'f "vwlphb", whch 's vry cmmn 'n th Mddl 'St 'nd 's sprdng 'crss th wrld rpdly, stll hs n prpr trtmnt mthds yt dscvrd. Pls hlp 's nd ths 'pdmc 's sn 's pssbl. N, srsly. 'Ls, ths whl bsnss 'f wrtng frm rght t lft, fck ths 's wll, 't nds t stp, fr Gd's sk.

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