John Aaron

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about John Aaron.

John W. Aaron (born 1943) is a former NASA engineer and flight attendant during the Apollo program. He is widely credited with having saved the Apollo 13 near disaster.

Early life[edit | edit source]

As a boy, he was known for being somewhat of a prankster. Certain accounts tell of him going as far as launching rockets into space, and then doing a half-ass job bringing them back into orbit. Many experts believe that these early childhood behaviors may have led to him launching the Apollo 13, breaking it, and then doing a half-assed job while bringing it back into orbit. Nearly costing the crew their lives.

NASA career[edit | edit source]

Apollo 12[edit | edit source]

Aaron had sought to emulate his hero Frank Abagnale Jnr, and con his way into becoming an airline pilot, but set his sights higher than that.

Aaron's first attempt to get into the space program was foiled by a simple security check, but his brief insider view of mission control taught him that had to obtain a proper security pass to get anywhere near a Saturn V rocket. After responding to an email he received and obtaining a "genuine college degree" for just 20 dollars, he got himself assigned to the EECOM post for the uneventful Apollo 12 mission.

Apollo 13[edit | edit source]

Much like the real Apollo 13 mission, every attempt at humor in this particular section met with disaster. Fortunately, Aaron spotted this and, as a "Steely-Eyed-Missile-Man"--er, more like a normal guy sitting in his underwear in his mom's basement--successfully rescued this section.

Regrettably, actual details of the actual mission are sketchy (after all, the crummy spacecraft blew up--more or less). The reader is asked to consult Tom Hanks or, for a fee, Ed Harris. In the film the United States Government had a project as to make Celine Dion seem like a metalhead. Evidence exists that Celine Dion was around in 1970, and that everyone in Canada knew that back then. It is not adequate to prove that Americans were at the same knowledge.

Later career[edit | edit source]

After working for more than fifteen years in an earnest effort to redeem himself, he was finally given the chance to redeem himself, when he was put in charge of the solid rocket boosters for the 1986 Challenger space shuttle mission. Alas, things didn't go according to plan and following the destruction of Challenger, he was permanently removed from the space program. This is actually untrue as he was instead anally raped. Shut up Meg!!!

Disappearance[edit | edit source]

Aaron settled down with his wife and children in Florida and continued to lead a quiet life until his sudden disappearance in 2003. The last confirmed sighting of Aaron was in mid January, when he was seen entering the flight uniform storage depot at NASA headquarters. NASA issued a formal statement in October of the same year denouncing reports that he had been seen on the launch tower shortly before shuttle Colombia launched as "pure speculation."

See also[edit | edit source]