A story built one article at a time/John steals a tank

The current state of John's wallet. There's not much inside it except for the business card of his favourite soup restaurant.

It had been a few hours since John had eaten the laced pizza. Or maybe something else he ate was laced and the pizza was merely the fall guy. Either way, doesn't matter. What's on John's mind right now doesn't require the concern of any drug trip he may or may not have been on recently. John is after something which could provide him shelter, mobility, and most importantly, firepower.

Ever since all his assets had been seized in Ojai due to his outstanding missing tax payments, John was pretty much left to start from square one. Even though the Nuclear Threat was no longer an issue, John still knew someone was out there, and that the bullets in that someone's handgun had John's name engraved on them.

"Jimbo, I need a favour. A big favour. A favour so big, I'd give anything for it," John said to the omniscient Jimbo.

Jimbo's enlightened presence stays silent for a few moments before whispering in John's ear, "Do tell," he whispers into John's ear.

"What I need is the means to attain defense, agility, and offense. I've got nothing but the greasy shirt on my back for defense, my wimpy legs for moving around, and I don't think i've thrown a half-decent punch since my middle school days," John tells Jimbo.

John's new tank. Truly strong.

Jimbo, observing the desperation in John's eyes, gives in. "Alright, let me pull a few strings for you. You'll owe me for this one, though."

Moments after, a large explosion can be heard in the distance, with a large green object sent up from the explosion flying towards John's location. As the object gets closer and closer to John, he makes it out to be an M1A1 Abrams main battle tank. Jimbo yells at John to take cover, with just enough time for John to act. The tank crashes through the empty building next to the alley John had been in earlier when he had eaten that ominous pizza.

John immediately gets to work rolling the tank onto its right side up, gets the treads wrapped around the wheels properly, screws in a few bolts that had fallen off during the landing, and starts the tank up. "A one man army," John thinks to himself as he drives the tank into the sunset.