Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Pink panther
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I made a Pink panther page, and I want it to be divided into four pieces. 1-The Diamond in which makes people gay, 2-The Pink Panther himself who is a panther, 3-The Movie Series and Inspector Clouseau, and 4-The Pink Panther Party which is a Gay Supremacy Group.MrCleveland 16:33, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
- Hi Cleveland, i will try to offer some ideas in the talk page there - Red1 11:18, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
| Concept: | 4 | To begin with, I feel like I'm doing the same review for the 3rd time, you have the same errors that you had in the last two of your articles I reviewed. Normally, I wouldn't have reviewed this article, but it seems like all the other reviewers are on vacation. If you want a second opinion, you can put this on review again. The article is basically too busy, and someone who is not familiar with the Pink Panther movies would have a hard, if not impossible time following it. Trying to confound the diamond with the cat just won't work; the problem is that one is an inanimate object. Confounding two people with similar names sometimes works, but it can easily degenerate into nonsense from the point of view of the reader. You might be able to cover the jewel and the cat in the same article, confounding will be quite difficult. Also, gay references are generally not funny except when dealing with actual homosexuals. I do see the link, the film is French, and the diamond is pink, but it just doesn't work and comes across as silly. Also, your article comes across as very fancrufty. Your reader probably doesn't know that the dates you have in the article are the dates in which movies. The reader sees that as random dates. I would suggest a more deadpan entry, and probably sneaking in some background information. I didn't know that the Pink Panther was a movie series until I did a wikipedia search on it. You might want to be a bit more blunt with some of the info. Finally, maybe a separate article for the cat and the movie series might be a good idea, or at least clearly separated sections. |
| Prose and Formatting: | 3 | To be blunt LEARN TO WRITE IN PARAGRAPHS!!!. Your one-two sentence paragraph style makes your articles look like they were written by a 10 year old. Also, you have too many headers right now. You seem to be covering the information too fast, try to add more text in the current sections. Also, you might want to add a see also section. Your last image would be producing whitespace at the bottom if it weren't for the ugly maintenance template at the bottom. (Which is quite ironic, having the {{ugly}} template making your article look better, but I digress). Your article also needs more categories. |
| Images: | 6 | You have some appropriate images, but your confounding the diamond and the cat with your images. As a rule, you can get away with more outlandish statements and word play in images, but the difficulty in following your article ruins much of the humor in the pics. I'd probably keep the images as they are, and work on the text first. |
| Humour: | 2.5 | You got a low humor score because your article is very hard to follow, and most of the jokes are off topic. Gay jokes and insults at random famous people are not funny. Try to direct most of your jokes at the subject matter. |
| Improvability Score: | 4 | This article is not beyond redemption, but it will need some serious work. I don't think the subject will be too hard, but the film series is not that well known. Try to give enough information about the subject that a person totally unfamiliar with it can get most of the humor. I'd suggest that you keep working on this one. |
| Final Score: | 19.5 | LEARN TO WRITE IN PARAGRAPHS!!! |
| Reviewer: | --Mnbvcxz 22:22, 2 January 2009 (UTC) | |
Looks like I can't write in paragraphs. :(
But I did add an opening.MrCleveland 20:09, 14 January 2009 (UTC)