User:El legend/UnScripts:Macbeth

MacBeth was written by William Shakespeare(you know, that famous dead guy with the weird hair) and is a classic tale of greed, ambition and whole load of other crazy crap. Don't say the name of the play out loud, or else unspeakable evil will be thrust upon you: it could be a knife, it could be a bullet, or, if you are really unlucky, it could be Amy Winehouse

Characters

MacBeth - The eponymous hero who becomes king by killing the king but then can't be king because he gets killed by a guy who isn't king who is doing it for the rightful king and the brother of the rightful king who are accused of killing the original king so they can become king. He gets pushed around by his wife.

Lady Macbeth - She is MacBeths wife and is basically a super-bitch. She makes Macbeth kill the king and then regrets it, so she tops herself.

Duncan - The old king who gets killed by MacBeth.

Malcolm and Donalbain - Duncan's sons. Malcolm is the rightful king.

The 3 witches - Their actual identity is not known, so trust noone and remember, it is always who you least expect.

MacDuff - The ancestor of Duff Man. He kills Macbeth.

Banquo - MacBeth's best mate, who MacBeth has offed.

Fleance - Banquo's son. He is a little freak with an amusingly squeaky voice.

Whole load of other pointless characters who have like one line or something daft like that - I'd list them, but who cares anyways?

Act I

Scene 1

There is a vicous storm and the 3 witches are in the middle of a wastland

1st witch: When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

2nd witch: When the hurly-burly's done, When the battles lost and won

3rd witch: Dont worry, I have a sneaky suspicion that the battle will be over soon

1st witch: You fool that does not rhyme, we should banish you for such a crime

3rd witch: I'm not good at thinking up rhymes who cares, everyone has flaws

2nd witch:But without rhymes you cannot cast a spell, or summon demons up from hell

3rd witch: Look, lets just agree to meet upon the heath

1st witch: yes it is there where we shall perform the dance of death, and it is there where we shall meet Macbeth

The witches walk off in different directions, with an evil cackle

Scene 2

Duncan and his army are on the battlefield, an wounded man stumbles towards them

Duncan: What happened?

Wounded Guy: The Thane of Cawdor betrayed us but we still won the war and it was all thanks to M...M.....Urghh

The wounded guy drops to the floor dead

Duncan: So Macbeth won the war for us did he, make him the new Thane of Cawdor

Messenger: How could Macbeth have won the war he wasn't even there, it was probably MacDuff

Duncan: Am I paying you to question me, you little arsewipe?

Messenger: Actually your not paying me to do anything, you just wave your sword about and say you'll cut my head off

Duncan: Just do it you fool, I'll get Donalbain to bum love you again in return

Messenger: How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not gay and I hate being bum loved

Duncan(sarcasticly): I bet you aren't

Donalbain winks at the messenger suggestiveley

Messenger: Please your highness, I'M NOT GAY

Duncan(angrily): JUST GO DAMMIT

The Messenger mounts his horse and gallops away

Scene 3

Macbeth and Banquo walk across the heath

Macbeth: Such a fair and foul day, I have not seen

Banquo: What the hell are you on about!?,

Banquo sees the 3 witches

Banquo: Who are those 3?

Macbeth:Speak, if you can: what are you?

1st witch: All hail Macbeth, thane of Glamis

2nd witch: All hail Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor

3rd witch: Macbeth, you shall be king

1st witch: you fool you've ruined the mood, and not rhyme did you include!

Banquo: Macbeth will be Thane of Cawdor and king? If you can see into the future, what is laid out for me

1st witch: Lord Banquo have no fear, for you we have good news to which we will now make clear

Banquo: Ooooh, does it involve us and an MFFF foursome

2nd witch: Your poofy son who often doth sing, will one day become the king

Banquo: God, prophecies make me horny

3rd witch: am I supposed to say something now?

1st witch: get your act to together or nothing is what we shall achieve, now don't cock up as we take our leave

The witches vanish into thin air

Banquo:God, Imaginary witches make me horny

Macbeth: Stay, you imperfect speakers, tell me more, by Sinel's death I know I am thane of Glamis. But how of Cawdor? The thane of Cawdor lives!

Banquo: Were those things real?

Macbeth:Your children shall be kings

Banquo: And they said you shall be king and thane of cawdor, but c'mon they weren't real, we had way to much bong and nothing has tits that perfect

The messenger arrives on horseback

Messenger: Macbeth, coz of your err... brave exploits in the war, the King hath made you Thane of Cawdor

Banquo(shocked): Can it be true

Macbeth: The thane of Cawdor is still alive. Why are you putting his clothes on me?

Messenger: The thane of Cawdor lives, but he is to be hanged in the nude, as he hath betrayed Scotland

Banquo (whispering to Macbeth): Do not trust what they said, the devil works in strange ways, and this could lead to your destruction

Banquo and Macbeth exit together and the messenger heads back in the direction he came from

Scene 4

Lady Macneth is in her castle

Lady Macbeth(reading letter): Oh my God, Macbeth will be king. But he's a right wimp so I'm gonna have to make him do it. Becoming Queen is bloody hard work.

The Messenger enters

Messenger: The king comes tonight

Lady Macbeth: But how would you know?! Wait, errr.... Duncan's coming, I haven't prepared

Messenger: You think you've got it bad? I'm spending the night with Donalbain

Lady Macbeth: We have plenty bedrooms here, why would two people need to share a bed

Messenger: You don't wanna know

The messenger exits as Macbeth comes in

Macbeth: My dearest love, Duncan comes here tonight

Lady Macbeth: Good. Look like an innocent flower tonight, only an innocent flower that is homicidal, with a three extraneously large knives and an insatiable thirst for blood. But yes, innocent...

Scene 5

Macbeth is alone in a hallway

Macbeth: If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well, it were done quickly. If the assassination could trammel up the consequence, and catch, with his surcease success; that but this blow, might be the be-all and the end-all here, but here, upon this bank and shoal of time, we'd jump the life to come. But in these cases, we still have judgment here, that we but teach. Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return to plague th' inventor

Lady Macbeth enters

Lady Macbeth: Big Dunc's gone to bed. Are you ready?

Macbeth: We will proceed no further in this business. He hath honored me of late

Lady Macbeth: Oh go on

Macbeth: No

Lady Macbeth: Pleeeeeaase, for me?

Macbeth(angrily): NO!

Lady Macbeth: I'll bake you a cake

Macbeth: What kind of ca...NO! NO! NO!

Lady Macbeth: I'll reward you, by, you know..., sucking the meat out of your sausage

Macbeth: You know, Duncan hath done nothing for me. I am settled, and bend up, each corporal agent to this terrible feat.

Scene 6

Macbeth is in another hallway

Macbeth: Is that a dagger I see before me

The dagger leads Macbeth to Duncans room, Macbeth opens the door

Macbeth: Urggh, thy old, wrinkly balls be disgusting. I must get this done and over with.

Macbeth enters the room