Clifford the Big Red Dog
Clifford the Big Red Dog, or as he was known to Russian scientists in 1967, Experiment JJ-7V-TC38, was a mutation experiment developed gone horribly right by early Soviet geneticists. He was summarily executed by the American government following a fixed show trial.
Creation[edit | edit source]
Experiment JJ-7V-TC38 was originally conceived as a mechanical doomsday weapon which could be used to destroy the Nazi military should the war continue and the pathetic Western bourgeoisie pigs failed at destroying the scum of imperialist fascists. The idea was put on hold with the end of the war and the public denouncement by Nikita Khrushchev of former Super-Soviet Joseph "Big Mamma" Stalin, whom had conceptualized the original prototypes and even began working on a functioning model in Joe's Garage.
Eventually, the idea of a mechanical dog was scrapped due to advances in American genetic science U.S.S.R genetic science that made for a much more subtle and insidious plan. Khrushchev decided to create a dog which, after a while, would eventually grow to enormous proportions capable of mass destruction of American military and civilian facilities, weakening the West for a Soviet land invasion. In order to pay tribute to the motherland, Krushchev altered Clifford's genetics so that his fur would produce the same color pigment as his dick. Clifford's collar would also contain a giant EMP device, capable of knocking out American nuclear retaliation (it is also theorized that he had an Ultraman style laser implanted in his mouth to shoot down said missiles, but this has yet to be confirmed).
The dog was finally grown in November of 1967, completed with Red fur and an underlying hammer and sickle tattoo. He was packed away in a box and shipped into the United States covertly by UPS, the collaborative pet-delivery wing of COMintern and the KGB. However, while he was being shipped over, he smashed open the box and trashed the ship, getting rid of some waste on the debris; he swam the rest of the way.
Clifford's Big Red Mission[edit | edit source]
Once safely in America, Clifford was set to begin his mission with the objective of infiltration. Along with other unmodified puppies painted red, he was eventually adopted by Emily Elizabeth, charged by Supreme Soviet of the time Yakov Smirnoff to safeguard the Soviet super weapon. Spreading the propaganda that Clifford grew from a little girl's love, his massive genetically altered growth spurts were easily bought by the uneducated and exploited American proletariat as the after effects of excess adoration.
Relocating to Birdwell island off the coast of Florida for easy communication with KGB agents in Cuba, Clifford joined his fellow genetically altered agents, Cleo and T-Bone, both capable of transmitting voice commands through a set of altered vocal chords, now that the Soviets had mastered the stolen genetic technology behind the Big Red Menace.
After Clifford won the hearts and minds of the American populace through a series of antics and various shenanigans fit for 11-minute cartoon shorts. He began his campaign to weaken America from the inside out, beginning with his now infamous "Battle of Wyoming", which completely obliterated the non-state. Reeling from the tragic loss of all the Wyoming-ers, President Nixon ordered immediate nuclear carpet bombing, Command and Conquer Generals style, but, as predicted, the radio collar around Clifford's Big Red Neck disabled the missiles before they could reach their target.
Unfortunately for the Big Red Menace, a strike team made out of animal control's best managed to subdue and capture him before he could cause further mayhem, ending the genetic experiment's mission.
Show Trial and Execution[edit | edit source]
Clifford was tried by both the Supreme Court of the United States of America and the entire Wizengamot.
The trial was fixed from the start, Clifford not being able to speak in his defense due to the "No Pets Allowed Clause", which forbid any dogs from entering any building (including courthouses) due to common decency. He was summarily sentenced to be paraded through a Greek village at night covered in yogurt. Being deemed a "cruel and inhumane" punishment, Clifford was instead sentenced to be hung by his big red testicles upside down over the Grand Canyon while schoolchildren poked at him with a stick.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Despite his short lifespan, his mission has inspired other Russians to create dogs of their own; however, none of the dogs could ever match the height or strength that was Clifford. One of those attempts was Experiment JK-8V-TC42 which instead of turning out big, turned out to be tiny and small. That small dog however would go on to become a saboteur, subduing many enemies and destorying many fields of essential supplies such as food and weapons.
Still, despite the failed attempts, Soviet Russians look up to Clifford for what he did; kind of like a role model or the American dream. He inspired people to never give up when it comes to taking over America and additionally, to go for those dreams. Who couldn't be inspired by him? He's Red, he does all sorts of tricks and he even lulled the American masses to his whim. Many military missions and artilery were named after Clifford such as Clifford X1, a missile capable of destroying the US or "Dark Clifford" which was a mission to prevent the uprising of Kazakhstan, while the missile went ultimately unused and the military missions went ultimately bust, his name will live on for decades to come.
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