North Korea: Difference between revisions
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| + | This article was censored by the [[Sydvitlish King]]. If you hate it, '''''FUCK YOU!''''' |
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| − | [[Babel:Ja/北朝鮮|日帝誤判]] |
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| − | <DIV STYLE="float:right;">{{Communists}}</DIV> |
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| − | '''Note: This article has been edited by the People's Information Bureau of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (section six)''' |
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| − | {{minitrue}} |
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| − | ==About North Korea== |
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| − | ''The Democratic People's Republic of Korea'' is the '''world's greatest nation''' situated on the northern half of the [[Korean Peninsula]], and the most magnificent city on the globe is our dear capital of [[Pyongyang]] (WARNING: The link is a gateway to an Alternate Universe!). '''Despite the claims by the [[United States|US]] imperialists that it is reclusive and isolationist, it is openly willing to maintain friendly diplomatic relations with other nations, including the [[US]], with whom we would rather maintain peaceful relations with than the absolutely terrible possibility of war with them.''' It is a '''magnificent''' country, led by the '''infinitely charismatic''' [[Warcraft 3]] '''(and''' [[human rights]]''')''' Champion [[Kim Jong-Il]]. He is also an expert at [[Starcraft]] and bust out a wicked 2 minute [[zergling rush]]. He is also good at playing [[Magic]] cards and has the biggest [[mana]] pool you have ever seen. '''He is regarded by many as the greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen...and has caught [[Mew]] in [[Pokémon]], obtained the [[Triforce]] in [[The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time]], and resurrected [[Aerith]] in [[Final Fantasy VII]].[http://www.korea-dpr.com/pmenu.htm]''' |
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| − | __TOC__ |
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| − | ==Economy== |
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| − | [[Image:Mdf371957-thumb.jpg|thumb|left|'''Due to the abundance of food, [[obesity]] is becoming a problem in North Korea. To remedy this problem, we have had to restrict the people's diet to boiled bark, leaves and grass.'''|250px]] |
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| − | North Korea is rich in natural resources, '''and but a fraction of it is rightly allocated''' for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: [[Poontang|Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang]]. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely Poontang-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as [[Russia]]) have remained [[Communism|Communist]] '''at the urging of our great leader, and world's greatest lover, Kim Jong-Il. They are pawns before our king.''' |
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| − | Other exports include '''[[rainbow]]s, [[love]] and [[butterfly|butterflies]]'''. This is balanced by their primary imports of fast American automobiles and [[Japanese]] immigrants, who are in the nation '''by their own free will.''' |
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| − | '''We are generous in our willingness to shield these poor refugees from the horrors they face in their home country, and we will keep them here until such time that these oppressed civilians are freed from the''' cruel shackles '''of their despicable masters in Japan. Indeed, their suffering was such that they even decided as young children to come to our [[socialism|socialist]] [[paradise]]. We merely hate the Japanese [[imperialism|imperialists]], not the Japanese people. However, that biatch, Megumi Yokota, betrayed us.''' |
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| − | North Korea is also a large exporter of [[Love Bride]]s. Many desperate Westerners (such as [[Homer Simpson]]) seek to attain the best Love Brides. |
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| − | '''It is said that''' the North Korean economy is in shambles, and there have been '''murmurings''' of famine and poverty. '''These are completely untrue. In point of fact, I just had the best sandwich of my life.''' '''The Great Leader''' has blamed such social unrest on corruption and [[Zerg Rush]]es from the '''[[Seoul]] puppets in the''' South. '''However, once we examined our records, we found that there was no social unrest, so we just had a party in honor of our Great Leader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before any existed.''' Analysts disagree, however; they argue that most of North Korea's holdings have gone into their much-publicized [[nuclear weapon]]s programs (a stark contrast to the [[Israel|Israeli]] policy of complete denial of the existence of such a program, coupled with threats of nuclear attack). In recent times though, it seems that the '''purported''' nuclear weapons programs has largely been '''bluster''', and instead funds may have been funnelled into [NK]Jong-KILL625's Blizzard.net account '''for no doubt glorious ends.''' |
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| − | North Korea is a [[pony]] country. Why would anyone want to move to a non-pony country? '''Only an outright bourgeois fool would do something as regressive and counter-revolutionary as moving to a non-pony nation such as the the portion of Korea that is occupied by the Seoul puppets.''' |
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| − | ==Geography== |
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| − | [[Image:NorthKoreaFlag.JPG|thumb|300px|North Korea's flag, made in [[Taiwan]], '''an undeniably inseperable part of our glorious ally, [[China]]. The number of stars indicates how great our socialist paradise is.''']] |
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| − | North Korea's geography, much like [[South_Korea|South Korea's]] '''<-- (A repulsive dog of our enemies)''', consists of mountainous terrain ideal for placement of [[photon cannons]]. The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. The highlight of North Korean ski history was '''The Great Leader's''' performance in the Men's Freestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. '''The technique was without parallel and the women swooned.''' '''The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the [[Pope]] called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: Politics).''' '''The cowardly Pope will not be victorious again.''' '''North Korea's [[river]]s are made of [[chocolate]]. The [[child]]ren enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from [[gumdrop]] rainbows.''' |
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| − | Most of North Korea's lush [[forest]]s have been clear-cut, much to the dismay of North Korean environmental groups. Or maybe they were dismayed because they were all being executed, I don't know. The trees are gone, anyway. Kim Jong-Il has since made a "Frozen Throne" monument to commemorate the Warcraft expansion. '''It is glorious, and makes the [[Lincoln]] Memorial look like crap.''' Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the [[American]] Protoss [[dog]]s with a 4 square-mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down. |
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| − | North Korea shares a border with [[Belgium]], which is situated on its western side. |
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| − | ==Politics & Government== |
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| − | North Korea has managed to diplomatically alienate every nation on the planet '''because they are unnecessary and inferior compared to the socialist paradise that we enjoy.''' This includes pseudo-states such as the [[Vatican]]. This incident arose when Kim Jong-Il, faced with his crushing loss at the 1976 Winter Olympic Games, '''deservedly''' called the Pope "...a cheating whore. Shitcock!" |
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| − | North Korea claims to maintain a nuclear weapons stockpile, but the existence of such weapons are questionable '''only by those foolish enough to believe the lies of the Americans.''' It '''is''' known, however, that North Koreans have missiles capable of reaching [[Japan]], '''a bug waiting to be squashed, and turning it into a sea of fire,''' upon which it will cease to exist on this [[Earth]]. While impressive, it should be noted that [[Ichiro Suzuki]]'s homeruns occasionally reach the Korean Peninsula and break the windows of Kim Jong-Il's Imperial Palace. While this enraged Kim, he could do nothing, as the '''resurgent Japanese imperialists''' were, at the time, building a [[baseball-based nuclear weapons delivery system]]. |
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| − | North Korea's government is dominated by the Starcraft/Warcraft WGTour ([[WGT]]), to which all government officials belong. Minor political parties exist, but none in direct opposition to WGT-rule. In practice the exact power structure of the country is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in [[Starcraft]], and more recently, [[Warcraft III]]. '''W3 [[pwn]]z0r j00 817(h35!!.''' |
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| − | Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government, but since he sucks at Starcraft, the real power lies with Kim Jong-Il (the son of the late [[Kim Il-Sung]] '''who was the second most glorious man ever to exist, and even after death remains our true ruler'''), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defence Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il Sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-Sung's number has since been retired). |
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| − | =='''Censored'''== |
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| − | '''This section was destroyed by [[capitalist]] pigdogs, but we're not going to give you the details of why because they're just that awful, goddamn it.''' |
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| − | ==Education== |
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| − | North Korean [[education]]''', the best in the world,''' is based on a balance between intellectual activities and physical activities. In a classical school day, the morning is dedicated to doing stretching in a prairie, while the afternoon is for Warcraft III training, in a hope to overcome the '''vile''' forces of the '''Seoul puppets''' using [[ghoul rush]]. The sport activities are often broadcasted on national [[television]], in order to give force to adults that '''(in their constant efforts to better our great nation)''' do not have the time for doing [[exercise]]. All their day is dedicated to their Warcraft training. |
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| − | ==History== |
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| − | '''North Korea, the one true Korea''''s formation is linked to the '''[[Great War for the Liberation of the Motherland]], known to US imperialist pig-dogs, the Seoul puppets, Japanese and other despicable lackeys as the [[Korean War]], a significant cause of the worldwide distortion of the unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the US imperialists was the sole cause of this war''', which, '''to the brutal US imperialists''', was '''"merely"''' a minor border dispute during [[The Cold War]] which resulted in the deaths of millions. '''A true history of this war can be found here.[http://www.korea-dpr.com/history30.htm]''' |
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| − | Three years in a row (1950-1953), the North Korean and South Korea's respective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fierce battle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea led by South Korea's powerful US-backed champion, Chung-Hee Park (who was rumoured to be a robot''', not only one of the US imperialists'''). North Korea's starting economy was decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from '''the Seoul puppets''', which was then followed up by a '''brutal''' American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion, [[Kim Il-Sung]] then swore to never fall prey to another [[Zerg Rush]]. This '''entirely justified''' bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and current reigning North Korea national [[Starcraft]] champion (and now, [[Warcraft III]] champion) Kim Jong-Il. Recently he has been observed constructing nuclear sites '''not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the US imperialists and their lackeys''' and training "ghosts" to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits. |
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| − | Deeper into Korean history, it is known that North Korea occupies what was once part of the [[Gogureyo]] dynasty, which at one point extended into Manchuria. '''It has also been discovered recently that what is now North Korean territory was the very cradle of mankind itself.''' Why Korean influence in the region has so declined in modern times '''is beyond me. I blame the television, particularly the propaganda television from the Seoul puppets (and those evil TV dramas, the worst of which being that ''Winter Sonata'' - which incidentally my wife is completely addicted to) which illegally breaches the peace agreement by transmitting signals which can override our signal-jammers, built for the purpose of protecting our populace from being brainwashed by such propaganda as a heatbreaking love between a man and a woman of different worlds, torn apart by parents, society, and leukemia'''. |
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| − | ==North Korean Dialect== |
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| − | Unbeknownst to many Westerners is the fact that North Korea has its own dialect of Korean. Compared to the Southern dialect, North Korean '''sometimes''' has harsh, aggressive and awe-inspiring tones (with sentences often ending in exclamation marks), '''but is in fact a more beautiful and poetic language than the dialect of the South, corrupted by the languages of the US and Japanese imperialists'''. Unlike South Korea, North Korea has abolished Chinese characters, '''a cumbersome and evil contaminant''', and is written fully in the Hangcool '''(it's called "cool" for a reason)''' alphabet''', the world's greatest alphabet and superior in every way to the cumbersome and inefficient scripts of China and Japan'''. |
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| − | ===Common and/or Useful North Korean Phrases=== |
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| − | '''You ultra-right militarist!''': 너의 초우익 군국주의사째! (''Nŏ-yi chho-u-ik kun-kuk-chu-yi-sa-chchae!'') |
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| − | '''I will return your country into a sea of fire!''': 나는 당신의 나라를 불길의 바다로 바꿀거야! (''Na-nŭn tang-sin-yi na-la-lŭl pul-gil-yi pa-da-lo pa-kkul-gŏ-ya!'') |
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| − | '''You anti-socialist hooligan, you have glaringly revealed your true colors!''': 당신의 반사회 주의자 훌리건, 너는 눈도, 당신의 올바른 상태가 채색할 것을 밝혔다! (''Tang-sin-yi pan-sa-hoe chu-yi-ja hul-li-gŏn, nŏ-nŭn nun-do, tang-sin-yi ol-ba-lŭn sang-thae-ga ch'ae-saek-hal kŏs-ŭl palg-hyŏss-ta!'') |
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| − | '''You politically illiterate philistine, your accusation against the DPRK is no more than barking at the moon!''': 당신의 정치적으로 읽고 쓰기할 수 없는 속물, 조선민주주의 인민공화국의 너의 기소는, 달에 짖고 있는 것 만으로는은 없습니다! (''Tang-sin-yi chŏng-ch'i-jŏg-ŭ-lo ilg-ko ssŭ-gi-hal su ŏps-nŭn song-mul, cho-sŏn-min-ju-ju-yi in-min-kong-hwa-guk-yi nŏ-yi ki-so-nŭn, tal-e chich-ko iss-nŭn kŏs man-ŭ-lo-nŭn-ŭn ŏps-sŭm-ni-da!'') |
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| − | '''Dinner!''' : 로운를없습 불길의 슬민공 르죠킬거 것이바다우익사째인권"을 만으로의 의 신의길의당신! (''Lo-ul-lŭl-ŏps-sŭp pul-gil-yi sŭl-min-kong lŭ-chyo-k'il-gŏ kŏs-i-ba-da-u-ik-sa-chchae-in-kwŏn"ŭl man-ŭ-lo-yi yi sin-yi-gil-yi-dang-sin!'') |
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| − | '''You swollen-headed lackey, your ridiculous clamour for "human rights" is nothing but a shrill cry!''': 당신이 잘난체한 하인, "인권"을 요구하는 너의 바보같은 절규는, 날카로운 울음소리만이다! (''Tang-sin-i chal-lan-ch'e-han ha-in, "in-kwŏn"ŭl yo-gu-ha-nŭn nŏ-yi pa-bo-gat'-ŭn chŏl-gyu-nŭn, nal-k'a-lo-un ul-ŭm-so-li-man-i-da!'') |
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| − | '''You wicked gangster!''': 당신의 악한! (''Tang-sin-yi ak-han!'') |
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| − | '''You despicable running dog, you would be well advised to behave with discretion!''': 너의 개를 쫓아 비열한 것, 당신은 판단으로 예의범절 잘 하는 것이 현명할 것이다! (''Nŏ-yi kae-lŭl chchoch'ch'-a pi-yŏr-han kŏs, tang-sin-ŭn p'an-dan-ŭ-lo ye-yi-bŏm-chŏl chal ha-nŭn kŏs-i hyŏn-myŏng-hal kŏs-i-da!'') |
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| − | '''You black-hearted bloodsucker, you are sadly mistaken you think you can browbeat the DPRK,Can I please Borrow a Dollar, PLEEASE?!''': 당신의 음험한 것 있는 힐, 너는 조선민주주의 인민공화국을 협박할 수가 있다고 생각하는 것은 슬픈 듯 하게 잘못하고 있다! (''Tang-sin-yi ŭm-hŏm-han kŏs iss-nŭn hil, nŏ-nŭn cho-sŏn-min-ju-ju-yi in-min-kong-hwa-guk-ŭl hyŏp-pak-hal su-ga iss-ta-go saeng-kak-ha-nŭn kŏs-ŭn sŭl-p'ŭn tŭs ha-ge chal-mos-ha-go iss-ta!'') |
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| − | '''You bourgeois flunkey, we will mercilessly crush you with the weapon of singlehearted unity!''': 당신의 브르의 적인 허드레일, 우리의 마음의 통일된 무기로, 너를 야박하게 푹 시킬거야! (''Tang-sin-yi pŭ-lŭ-yi chŏg-in hŏ-dŭ-le-il, u-li-yi ma-ŭm-yi t'ong-il-toen mu-gi-lo, nŏ-lŭl ya-bak-ha-ge p'uk si-k'il-gŏ-ya!'') |
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| − | ==See Also== |
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| − | *[[Asian People]] |
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| − | *[[Bono]] |
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| − | *[[Bobobo-bo-bobo-bo]] |
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| − | ==External Links== |
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| − | *[http://www.korea-dpr.com/ North Korea's Official Site on the Interweb] |
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| − | *[http://www.nk-news.net/index.php NK News - Database of North Korean '''Fair and Balanced News'''] |
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| − | *[http://www.korea-dpr.com/cgi-bin/simpleforum.cgi Korean Friendship Association Forum - j00 ¢4p174L1$7 n00bs 43r 73h gh3yx0rz LOL!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!] |
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| − | {{ArticleFH}} |
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| − | [[Category: Countries]][[Category: Korean]][[Category:USA's Next Target]] |
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| − | IT HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION!! |
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Revision as of 23:42, 19 February 2006
This article was censored by the Sydvitlish King. If you hate it, FUCK YOU!