George Bush: Difference between revisions
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| − | {{Bush}} |
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| − | {{OWQL|George Bush}} |
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| − | {{Q|For a man with no cerebral activity, he's awfully funny|Marie Curie|George Bush}} |
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| − | <code>''"Never have so many been so gay for one with such an insignificant penis length."''</code> |
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| − | :<code>~ '''[[Winston Churchill]] on The Battle of Cretin'''</code> |
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| − | <code>''"Hell Yeah! I smoked crack with that nigga."''</code> |
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| − | :<code>~ '''[[Kanye West]] on George Bush and crack.'''</code> |
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| − | <code>''"I'd hate not to meet an asshole!"''</code> |
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| − | :<code>~'''[[George Bush]] on George Bush'''</code> |
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| − | [[Image:BushTime.jpg|thumb|right|WE ARE FUCKED]] |
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| − | [[Image:Hitler bush.jpg|thumb|A protester in Germany was arrested for displaying this sign on the grounds that it contains a Swastika]] |
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| − | [[Image:curious dabuh.jpg|thumb|Curious George on the hunt for weapons of mass destruction]] |
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| − | '''George ''Bushfire'' Bush''' is the 43rd [[President]] of the [[United States of America]], [[Jesus]] Freak, fullbreed [[Ferengi]], [[pimp]] daddy, avid [[cock-gobbler]], Muslim, [[Lt. Titty Titty McDongWhacker of Hungary]], [[nobel]] laureate, causer of all bad things, and honorary [[Mensa]] Chairman. Bush was sworn into office on [[January 20]], [[2001]], re-elected in [[November]], [[2004]], and sworn at for a second term on January 20, [[2005]]. He has never officially been tested, but experts guess that his penis is between -17 and 54.1 millimeters in diameter. |
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| − | Bush stole the [[Puritan]] Party nomination in the [[2000]] presidential election and was eventually appointed by his brother. He was re-appointed, also by his brother, in the [[2004]] presidential election. This was due primarily to the fact that his opponent, [[John Kerry]] was too busy acting as a living maple [[tree]] in the movie [[Lord of the Rings]]; in addition, as a result of his uncomfortably intimate relationship with maple syrup, Kerry also failed to have a brother who was governor of even the smallest state and with man boobs the size of zeppelins. Essentially, the failure of the Democrats to defeat Bush in 2004 was because Kerry's voter fraud tactics were much worse than Bush's voter fraud tactics. It is also attributed to their failure to pay their annual tribute to the liberal god, [[Treeasaurus]], on time that year. |
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| − | ==Early Life== |
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| − | The eldest son of former President [[The Terminator]] (popularly refered to as "Big Willy Ballsack" and his formly clandestine wife [[Barbara "the mother fucker" Bush]] (née Pierce), George Walker Bush Texas Ranger was born in a lab experiment on [[July 6]], [[1446]]. Since his brain was too intelligent for a boy with such a stupid face, doctors switched his brain with the inner-right wall of his asshole. |
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| − | He was nicknamed "Walker" because he could walk, but not talk, till he could talk. So, he could walk the walk, but not talk the talk, an affliction that ails him to this day. |
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| − | He spent his early life in a [[Canada|Canadian]] brothel and moved with his parents to the lowly town of Compton, [[California]] where he "busted caps into motha fucka's grills" and produced the song "Fuck Tha Police." Bush, who identifies himself as a "Cumdumpster" of the poor ass town, was raised in Compton and in [[Houston]], [[Texas]] with his siblings [[Jeb Bush|Jeb]], Shaq U' Neil(related by of color), Spawn, Dorothy and [[Toto]] (yes, Toto too!) until he was about 13 years of age. |
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| − | He got his education from reading cereal boxes. He graduated at Kellogs U in 1969. He started working as supervisor in one of the factories but got fired because of repeatedly dumping dildo prizes in the Lucky Charms Boxes, which caused a feud between the parents of the dildo craved children. |
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| − | == Military Experience == |
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| − | In [[May]], [[1968]], the public thought the [[USA]] was at war in [[Vietnam]]. In reality, there was a secret [[war]] in [[Canada]], codenamed "[[Operation Canada Bother's us a bit]]". Bush tried to enter the prestigious and elite [[Texas Air National Ballssquad]], but was turned down because of internal problems. |
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| − | He instead was admitted to the militant wing of the [[Salvation Army]]. He trained with them for two years, during which time he served as a [[German]] V2 flying bomb. He bombed many small no-named towns in [[Canada]], reportedly killing over 42,000 fetuses but in reality only hitting one. He was promoted to [[First Lieutenant]] in [[November]] [[1970]] on the recommendation of his commander Colonel Richard Inass. Later in life Inass, after a failed singing career, went on to become a [[circuit court]] Judge (Bush later appointed Inass to the [[Supreme Court]], but Judge Inass wouldn't sit on the court without this trusty manservant, Sargent Rusty Trumbone). |
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| − | Bush served as an F-42 pilot until [[1972]]. He tried killing [[Darth Vader]] many times, but failed each time. However, Bush was decorated for successfully ass-humping [[C-3PO]] and killing the well-known [[Tupac]]. He also repeatedly once crashed his [[plane]] into a [[mountain]] because he was, according to the official record, ''shomebodyz putz the mountainz rigt in my way... whatta mean, I'm too drunk to fly??!?!?'' |
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| − | For this, he was given numerous commendations and an early discharge. As a matter of fact, problems with early discharge as well as a rare case of scabies plagued Bush most of this life. |
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| − | He also slaps his balls against the insides of his legs as a game. |
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| − | Bush set the world record for longest [[sex with Saddam]], going for 28 hours straight. |
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| − | He also enjoys licking [[Osama Bin Laden's balls]] to the beat of "America Fuck Yeah" while [[giving Dick Cheney a handjob]] |
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| − | == Government Servicing == |
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| − | As Grand Exalted Poobah of the '''[[Texas|Republic of Texas]]''' from [[1995]] to [[1996]], Bush killed and sexually molested prisoners at a rate of one per minute. In his autobiography (ghostwritten by [[Hillary Clinton]]), a "Drink to Keep", Bush woefully comments that the sole disappointment of his Poobahship was that he couldn't kill someone every day because the Republic was constantly late on the electric chair's utility bill. He later corrected that mistake by invading Iraq, where he kills a dozen people every day and the electricity is only on 8 hours a day. |
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| − | Bush signed into law a tax relief bill that helps the top -1% of Americans keep more of their hard-earned cocaine, while all sexually confused and/or insecure people named Todd are cut from [[television]] programs and Medicare. President Bush and his close personal friend Ted Kennedy has made great strides with their "No White Child Left Behind Nobody Else Left Without Perpetual Ass Bleeding" Law. This legislation is ushering in a new era of education the world has ever seen, or, as George put it, "''The rich get richer and the poor get screwed. Hahahaha - Hey, Teddy, whatcha doin' back there, huh? Careful with that bananana - OUCH!''". President Bush has also worked to decrease the federal deficit by checking all the White House couches for loose change. As a result of these policies, all [[hamster]]s will now be born pregnant, and give [[Gumby]] "super [[AIDS]]". |
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| − | When the U.S. succumbed to the tragedies of bad soap operas of August 2005, Bush consulted with [[Vladimir VII the Putin|Vladimir]] [[Poutine]], a Canadian smack dealer and caretaker of [[The world's largest collection of paintings with tits in them]]. They unanimously decided that [[Hurricane Katrina]] was all the black people's fault. Bush then initiated the '''BTAM''', the ''Back to Annapolis Movement'' as a taxpayer-funded policy. This has encountered spirited resistance from [[Democrats]] who rely on black people to run their plantations. |
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| − | ==Position on Gay Marriage== |
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| − | Bush is known as a staunch and avid supporter of gay people's right to vote. He also supports gay marriage, but only between three or more same-sex partners and only if the ceremony involves partners smearing honey over and inside their asses, after which they must moon the wedding guests. By law, the honey must remain smeared on and up their asses until the first full moon following the wedding; the "honeymooners" are filmed, with showtimes at 2:00PM, 4:00PM, 6:30PM, 8:15PM, and 11:00PM in that little secret room in the White House basement that you see on reruns of [[The West Wing]] (consult your local paper for showtimes and listings). Bring your own damned popcorn, because George won't share his. He uses real butter, but we won't tell you where he puts it. |
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| − | ==Family Life== |
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| − | President Bush is happily married to [[Hulk Hogan]], a former wrestler and outspoken [[gay rights]] advocate. They have twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna, who are really fucking smoking hot. Seriously, they are so hot George and Hulkster have to keep these girls locked up in the White House basement where they spend their time watching re-runs of "The Honeymooners". The girls are only let out during election years, in accordance with Bush's "Blowjobs for Votes" policy, unless they see their shadow, in which case it's four more weeks until the next season of The Honeymooners. |
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| − | Anyway, the Bush twins love long walks on the beach, midnight dinners, [[cocaine]], and [[drunk driving]] ("''just like Daddy!''"). Bush is also the father of well-known English musician [[Kate Bush]]. The Bush family also includes two dogs, [[Barney]] and [[Big Bird]]; and a cat, Mr. Bo Jengles. However, Bush's favorite member of his family is Spankey, a [[chimpanzee]] whom Bush appointed a Rear Admiral (Spanky is present at all 11:00PM showings of the Honeymooners). |
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| − | == Side Projects == |
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| − | Aside from George's tenure as Resident in Chief, he has been the lead 'lectric twangerist of the cover band GOP-DC. He was discovered by a talent agent at his ranch in the Appalachians, who was impressed by Bush's ability to read The Cat In The Hat from a teleprompter and play the kazoo. George is also proficient at playing the gutbucket and giving blowjobs. |
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| − | GOP-DC launched their inaugural Byway to Crawford tour during the fall of 2001 at the Rotary Club in Delano, California. The first leg of their tour was California, and hit such big name venues as the Harris Ranch Ballroom, Wasco state prison, Shenanigan's Eatery in Lone Pine, and finished at the Cow Palace parking lot near San Francisco. |
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| − | '''GOP-DC band members''': |
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| − | Drums - Condi "Brown" Rice |
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| − | Bass - Bill "Bottom Feeder" Frist |
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| − | Keyboards - Don "Acidhead" Rumsfeld |
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| − | Vocals - Dick "Oil Slick" Cheney |
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| − | Lead Guitar - Jorge "Burning" Bush |
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| − | [[Image:Emobush.png]] |
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| − | ==Little known facts== |
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| − | *Had an extra marrital affair with [[That way too progressive Afghan Chick]] |
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| − | *George Bush is the cause of all good things ever! Just like Republicans say "if it is good then George W Bush is responsible, if it is bad then it is Bill Clintons Fault!" |
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| − | *"George Bush" anagrams to "Bugger Hoes" |
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| − | *"George Bush" anagrams to "He bugs [[Gore]]". |
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| − | *The only known weakness of George W. Bush are [[Weapons of Pretzel Destruction]], his good friend [[Captain Kangaroo]], and the [[Boogieman]], who he has announced repeatedly, threatens to turn him into a spoon. |
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| − | *The president played a small role as malaysian prostitute, pootypootytangtang, in the [[1928]] film ''[[A Jim Jam Janitor]]''. |
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| − | *His Secret Service call name is "Twizzler". |
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| − | *Hired the [[mutants]], who had previously killed both [[Kennedys]], to reshingle his roof. George was reputedly unhappy with the reshingling. |
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| − | *Half of Bush is owned by [[Bill Gates]]. The other half is owned by [[lawn gnomes]]. |
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| − | *George Bush is [[Jebus]]. |
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| − | *Has admitted he was once an alcoholic, but stopped because it interfered with his cocaine abuse. |
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| − | *In college Bush was part of a super top secret society called ''Skull and Ho's'' which, every time he was sober, seemed not to exist. |
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| − | *Once lived inside [[Captain Kirk]]'s [[Enterprise]] until all the coke ran out. |
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| − | *Once held the all time high school record of having the most girl friends. 76 of them wished that their pictures not be shown, Mary Beth Lou Mary Jones (Who claims to be Bush's first sweetheart) and Joanna Pod Tod I Am God, did however agree to have their pictures shown. |
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| − | Yes...they are both girls |
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| − | http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:3sSO-zMg41mDRM:www.angelfire.com/tx5/angelrosetx/mom.jpg |
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| − | http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:3w6EgZLlg1xJNM:curtis424.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/ugly_kid20copy.jpg |
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| − | *The movie Brokeback Mountain is based on the true story of an affair Bush had with the President of Mexico, Vicente Fox. |
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Revision as of 16:44, 20 March 2006
Vandalise'd