Bean: Difference between revisions
imported>Weekietration (→Types) |
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| − | {{wilde|Back in my wilder days, I would disguise potatoes as beans and sell them at the corner market. Good times, those were.|bean}} |
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| − | [[Image:eleventy_seven.jpg|frame|right|Eleventy Seven]] |
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| − | 'The musical fruit', beans give +2 to bum-trumpeting ability shortly after consumption. They also aid in self-aggrandizement, or 'blowing your own [[trumpet]], so make sure to eat plenty before a job interview. If they aid you in both of these ways, however, you are [[fuck]]ed. |
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| − | For your added inconvenience, I've added a picture of a bean on a miniature [[green]] blanket in the top [[left]] hand corner to all pages on this site. Or is it a potato? |
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| − | Also refers to a popular painfully retarded man with a bowl haircut and three-day old [[beard]]. |
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| − | Tasty when eaten with [[firearms]]. |
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| − | == History == |
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| − | In 1976, Mr. Peanut the leading expert in food marketing specializing in presentation and [[photography]], carefully observed the graphic of the "bean" in the top left corner and noticed that by careful optical manipulation the photographer actually photographed a potato that had been scribbled on by a sharpie to make it look like a bean, thereby producing the best possible visual presentation of a bean. (ah-HA! It IS a potato!) |
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| − | "This is just another fine example of photographic manipulation used by [[food]] marketers to lure consumers": said Mr. P wearing top hat and [[monocle]], while addressing [[food]] consumer groups. "I myself am a product of this industry, propagating the myth that peanuts are [[nuts]] when they are in fact legumes. |
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| − | Retrieved from "http://mrpalmguru.com/uncyclopedia/index.php?title=Talk:Bean" |
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| − | == The Bean as musical instrument == |
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| − | As everybody no doubt knows, beans are the musical fruit. |
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| − | The first bean orchestra was set up in 1859 by [[Julius Caesar]]. It gave its first perfromance in Vienna in 1860, playing a memorable interperetation of [[Beethoven]]'s fifth symhony. The German National Bean Orchestra is now, sadly, defunct, but the London Bean Symphony Orchestra and the Boston Farts Orchestra remain hugely popular, the latter recently enjoying chart success with a cover of [[Barry Manilow]]'s 'Copacabana'. |
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| − | The bean has only occasionally been used in rock music, although [[Brian Wilson]] used it to great effect in the song 'Bad Vibrations'. |
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| − | Beans are usually tuned to B-flat, the same as trumpets, clarinets and [[Yoko Ono]]. |
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| − | ==Types== |
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| − | ===Uri=== |
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| − | Uri is the name of a rare species of bean found in the wilderness of southern [[Egypt]]. The Uri breed was named after the french-italian-british-roman explorer urihagener van burenshichtenstein. Being a thoughtful fellow, he decided to name the species uri for short. Biographical information on him can be found in the [[Mr. Met]] section of the reference book. |
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| − | ===Bean=== |
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| − | A very popular variety is simply the bean which is sometimes pierced. |
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| − | ==See also== |
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| − | *[[Fart]] |
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| − | [[Category: Vegetables]] |
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Revision as of 00:48, 9 March 2006
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