User:TropicalPanther/Uncord

 

How Uncord works

About Uncord

“Because silence was never an option.”

~ Greg the Moderating Hamster

Welcome to Uncord, a hamster-run laboratory of hungry pineapples surfing on ice. This chaotic pool of slime is nothing else than rather pure bullshit. Which you would rather put pandas in.

What Is Uncord?

Uncord is the unofficial chatting app of Uncyclopedia where messed-up moose merge in ramen noodles, which is going to be described as pure stupidity by a sneezing calculator.

How Does It Work?

It is ran by one hamster named "Greg", but here’s the idea:

• You "create" a channel using advanced whizzakadoodle.
• UnBot Greg immediately takes control of it.
• Your messages get randomly rearranged into poetry by Greg.
• The server crashes like it's Y2K all over again.
• Repeat forever.

Features Nobody Asked For

• IA Moderation: Greg bans you for obeying the rules for a millisecond.
• Infinite Taco Mode: Messages arrive three years after you send them.
• Channel Merge: When two channels get too similar, they merge into a worse one.
• Self-Deleting Messages: Because permanence is for Greg.
• Cross-Dimensional Voice Chat: Talk to users from alternate realities. Or yourself?

The Official Rules of Uncord

“Order is an illusion. Lag is eternal.”

~ Greg

Rule #1 — Be Uncivilized, But Polite About It.

Insult everyone equally, including <insert name here>. If your sarcasm doesn’t cause mild existential dread, try harder.

Rule #2 — Stay On-Topic by Going Off-Topic.

If the conversation drifts away from the original subject, congratulations — you’re doing it right, fucker.

Rule #3 — Respect Everyone’s Right to Be Wrong.

Correcting someone only makes you wronger. Double negatives make you king.

Rule #4 — No Ear Safety Allowed.

Voice chat must contain at least one person breathing directly into their mic, one kazoo solo, and one cursed ambient noise from lion growls.

Rule #5 — Don’t Argue with UnBot Greg.

Greg is always right. Even when it’s banning you for existing. Especially then.

Rule #6 — No Spoilers, Unless They’re Wrong.

If you’re going to spoil a whole show, make sure 3.14% of the details are weird. Bonus points for mixing franchises of stupidity.

Rule #7 — Server Drama Must Be An Unscripted Play.

All fights must be written with a white crayon, placed on an arcade machine, and a fourteen-chapter prototype.

Rule #8 — Lag Is a Feature.

If your messages don’t appear for seven minutes, it’s called "suspense."

Rule #9 — No Normal Conversations.

If a chat starts making sense, Greg will delete it for violating the laws of chaos.

Rule #10 — The Final Rule: There Are More Rules.

You just haven’t unlocked them yet. Check back after the next server crash.