User:TKF/Blurb

It is a genuinely strange world we live in when mentally deranged sexual deviants can earn Ph.D's. The most striking example of this deformity in reality is one Eugene Deuteronomy Mickelson, Doctor of Philosophy and notable skull thumper. Eugene gained prominence in his field of work by being the only one of his colleagues who had sex with skulls on his breaks from intense philosophical "surgery."

In order to keep these twisted urges under restraints, the Doctor put himself on a strict regimen of sixteen different flavors of Prozac ice cream and one whole bottle of aspirin a day. Miraculously, this quack solution had kept his junk in his pants and out of eye sockets, and has other benefits as well. It had cured him of his severe astigmatism, social anxiety, anal leakage, and schizophrenia. Unfortunately for both the good doctor and the seats on which he sat, a sad day in history dawned when Dr. Skullthumper misplaced his miracle meds. All panic broke loose within his mind, and- well, you can just read the rest for yourself. (more...)