Bubs Concession Stand
Bubs is the handyman around the wonderful world of Homestar Runner. Without doubt, he is, by design, a fraud. But apparently nobody seems to give a dead moose's last shit, and the other characters let Bubs swindle them out of countless amounts of money.
Said artifacts are kept hidden away within the catacombs within the stand that Bubs keeps watch over. Except when he isn't. During these times he ventures out to bestow his glory upon those who need it most, or whoever he happens to run into. He (supposedly) can fix anything – cars, TVs, marriages – as pointed out in his character video, a humble self-tribute to Bubs.
His ("bulb zizz") true name[edit | edit source]
Bubs is known by all loving and true followers of his greed-driven self, as Bubs's Concession Stand or Bubs's C. Stand. When creating his shop, Bubs decided to name it after himself. Despite being teased in school about it. He decided to go for the gold and dub his store "Bubs's Concession Stand".
Noble quests[edit | edit source]
Wise words[edit | edit source]
On one noble venture, the esteemed Bubs wandered across a hapless Strong Sad who was experiencing some difficulty ungluing his hands from his butt. The omnipotent and ever-vigilant Bubs then offered him a handy tidbit of wisdom: "Grabbin' your butt? That's not very ladylike."
Deep. Very deep.
Relic creation[edit | edit source]
Another case of Bubs's assisting mortals with everyday problems and earthly dilemmas involved a conundrum involving a difficulty setting the time on Strong Bad's VCR. In his infinite wisdom, Bubs taped an alarm clock to said VCR, thus solving the dilemma of lacking time. However, his works were impeded and he would have come up with a solution far greater had the Cheat not refused to offer himself up in place of the alarm clock. Some little yellow creatures just do not know how to submit to true authority and claim a place among the creations of divinity.
Liberation[edit | edit source]
Yet another occurrence happened in the very same garage that Bubs fixed Strong Bad's VCR within. Bubs assisted Strong Bad in opening a golden record case with his head, shattering the glass and freeing the contents trapped within.
Humble service[edit | edit source]
In another act of charity, Bubs alleviates Strong Bad of a CD of five thousand email addresses and donates a large sum of money to the masked crusader. Then, in yet another act of charity, he adds the misguided email addresses to his "spamertisement" list. A charity organization providing important information about consumable products that people with little or no information or awareness about receive entirely free of charge.
Enhanced android manufacture[edit | edit source]
Bubs also builds a robot of Strong Bad out of a box of Grape Nuts. It merely sits there and proclaims "Come back Alie ... come back Alie's sister," Strong Bad is then overcome with awe, proclaiming that Bubs has truly created a perfect rendition of him in robot form.
The world[edit | edit source]
Using the alias Dry Ragamoofin, Bubs saved the world from the moist evils of his nemesis Damp Towelman by pushing the wet villain over the edge of a cliff. In a waterwheel. Filled with zombie lemmings.
Other beliefs[edit | edit source]
Sick and perverted infidels and skeptics alike are too stupid to conform with the commonly accepted knowledge of Bubs's divinity, and simply believe him to be a creepy orange blob who pawns items of insignificant value in a successful attempt to recurringly con his community. This, however, is ridiculous.
Doubted wisdom[edit | edit source]
For instance, these lowly-thinking people claim that Bubs's advice for Strong Sad is utterly unhelpful and ridiculous. They, however, cannot accept that Bubs is of a higher level of thinking and wisdom which they cannot hope to understand.
Inefficiency[edit | edit source]
They also hold that, despite its effectiveness, taping an alarm clock to a VCR isn't nearly as efficient as simply setting the time. This article will not stoop to explaining why they are wrong.
Powerlessness[edit | edit source]
They also claim that he was a mere tool of an act of cruelty by Strong Bad when the record case was opened on his head. Oh ye of little faith. Can you not see that Bubs is capable of destroying his enemies with a mere flick of his will? If Strong Bad was foolish enough to attack Bubs, it would be only by the grace of the large orange ball of a God that he lived.
Exploitation[edit | edit source]
And in the lowest act of slander and outrage, these infidels openly accuse Bubs of illegally purchasing email addresses in order to distribute spam. For shame.
The Thnikkaman[edit | edit source]
Many infidels will claim that this is Bubs with a th sticky-taped to his chest and some cool shades. They are pigs. With his catchy entrance and exit tunes which seem to be sung by a host of invisible voices, and his wise motto "yeah, shut up kids" it has been clear from the start that the Thnikkaman possess powers and wisdom that almost rival those of Bubs himself. However, he is found lacking in a holy Concession Stand (he does have a Baloney Sandwich Truck) and in a sufficient history and tradition, his followers are also fleeting and consist of temporarily distracted disciples of Bubs. These points make him a mere passing and shallow fancy, like a harry potter to Bubs's lord of the rings or star wars.