User:Jameslang999/The Jong
BE WARNED! THIS PAGE IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND IS ONLY MEANT TO BE VIEWED BY INHABITANTS OF THE JONG. THIS ARTICLE ALSO RIPS INTO BILPIN
The Jong[edit | edit source]
The Jong (not to be confused with 'the bong' or 'kantong') is a small rural community located just over 100km outside Sydney. The name 'The Jong' was derived from the name of this place but the actual derivitive can be traced back 40,000 years to the Aboriginal Dreamtime in which a mentally retarded man was repeatedly raped by a wild horde of water buffalo.
The Jong is famous for its worlwide renowned sport of 'fucking around'. It is also famous for its initial discovery of the Amulet of Yendor, and the first ever baby born with 6 faces (this may be due to its immediate neighbouring towns of Bilpin, Mt Tomah and Berambing). In 2006 a terrible crisis formed, a band of over 25,000 iraqi insurgents flooded the jong and preceeded to open fire upon its residents. At this time 'the jong' seemed doomed to eternity under rule of Osama Bin Laden and his mutated horny minions. At this time a monster emerged from the ground and with a bolt of boomerang shaped lighting struck the 25,000 insuregents down. (the bodies are buried behind the bakery). Some say that this was the ghost of the mentally retarded man who was repeatedly raped by water-buffalo, others daont say anything. But this urban legend is what has made 'the jong' a great place to live'
So anyway, i'm in hell because my dog had to get a tooth pulled, where i see first hitler writing at a table. first i was gonna king hit him like a guy in a bonds chesty would hit any wife, when this guy dressed as a hot schoolgirl sed "easy mate, he has to translate 'Mein Kampf' into hebrew" i continue on looking for the grail, when i see superman playing cards with half an elephant, Cheapo-the-cheap-villain-as-seen-in-stripperella-yes-i-know-what-you're-thinking-there-is-actually-more-visual-stuff-to-look-at-other-than-pamela-andersons-tits, the fat conductor, nelson mandela (if bush said it was true then it must be) jerry-lee lewis, puff daddy and mahatmat ghandi. i say "gee super man, why are you in hell?" he replied with "i killed a hooker" i said "didnt she suck it"."no, she made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet" so the moral of the story is, if you walk in on a chinese drug syndicate having a meeting, DON'T START MASTURBATING.
Places to Visit in The Jong[edit | edit source]
In 'the jong' is 'the lidge' and 'the park' which are favourable spots to visit. There is also 'the iga' and 'the pisshole' (AKA kurrajong liquorland) In 'the jong' is 'the lidge' and 'the park' which are favourable spots to visit. There is also 'the iga' and 'the pisshole' (AKA kurrajong liquorland)
The park[edit | edit source]
One of two parks,
- The McMahons park OR
- the memorial park.
Mcmahons Park[edit | edit source]
Strengths of McMahons Park - cricket and nothing fucking else. Although it is known to be a place of gathering for 'bongheads', 'derros' or 'students who go to colo'. BUT BE WARNED. on the edge of the park, their is rumoured to be a family of Poms residing there. some say they do not see like us. instead they see numbers in green scrolling down. and that they have no understanding of sunshine. A guy, maybe 15 years of age practises some random thing, called parkour. he can be seen there training, and it is said he will do flips on request. however, he is not a performing monkey, and he may run off if pressured or scared. Once a group of students made a magical map of Mcmahons park, enabling them to locate and record where the best spots were to make out with girls. There is only one known copy of this legendary map, however i'm sure if you ask kindly the owners may make more copies.
The IGA[edit | edit source]
- The food supply for the jong, funded by several local school students who have probably spent over 10k there. The incredible variety that is present in this store is amazing. The usual menu may comprise of cooking chocolate, home brand warm soft-drink, ginger beer and/or other assorted goodies. hidiously overpriced, and shit service. possible run by a family of squirrels.
The pisshole[edit | edit source]
- The pisshole is the local beverage store, conveneintly located within 20m of 'the IGA' and 'the park'. AKA kurrajong liquorland or the place where monmey can buy happiness. very nice and smart management. owning 20% of the parking in the lidge, it costs just $5 to leave your slab there.
Recreational Activities[edit | edit source]
fucking around[edit | edit source]
fucking around is a sport in the jong. it is a great example of the discipline of all of the 'young hooligan' inhabitants. some may interperet 'fucking around' as offensive, and to all of those people.... get fucked you fuckheads.
Educational Facilities[edit | edit source]
Being the thriving bongstate town that is, the jong takes pride in its pathetic attempts at educational facilities.
Colo High School[edit | edit source]
colo is a shithole. honestly if you even breathe in air within 500m of this hole you may contract herpes. In some cases students have returned home from this school with an IQ 400 points less than when they first arrived (in some cases reaching a negative IQ)
Neighbouring Townships[edit | edit source]
The Jong Heights[edit | edit source]
An absolutely awesome place to live, unless if you are macedonian, with only a minimal amount of people who do shits in their gardens. once a group of young thugs were walking gangsta style to the pub, in hoodies and shit, when one of the hos hurt her ankle bad. a brother of the jong, it is somewhat higher, because there are several marijuana plantations, but also because its up more in the mountains. what happens in the mountains, stays in the mountains.
Jong Hills[edit | edit source]
a small suburb between the jong and jong heights, there has been known to be the existance of two hot female twins. they are said to eat their chicken burgers with no lettuce, buns, mayo, nor chicken. others say they once punched a horse to the ground.
Bilpin[edit | edit source]
Known as the Bogan Capitol Of Australia. 7 time winner (and current holders) of the worst town in the world awards. 'bilpinites, or mountain men are often confused for tasmamians due to their amazing amount of fingers. This is a common misconception, there is one main difference, bilpinites live in the mountains while tasmanians live in a hole called hobart. Many beleive hobart is just a glorified excuse for a fishing village and would not have a problem with its immediate and efficient destruction, even with over $40billion of tax payer money going into the project.
Exports[edit | edit source]
Being the bogan capitol of Australia it is, the major exports of Bilpin are apples and fingers. Approximately 2800 fingers are processed through the bilpin finger registry (BFR) daily. Many of the occupants are inbred or 'yokels'. common catchcrys of these strange animals are 'grab the shotgun', 'ma i got meself some roadkill, or 'my mum and dad are brother and sister'.
Imports[edit | edit source]
Due to the nature of these so called 'bilpinites' they require special items to cover their needs. These includes cousins (generally imported from nearby Mt. Tomah) for use of sex-slaves. The other imports to this desolate area include .22 caliber shotgun shells and a variety of assorted exotic roadkill.