User:Dr. Skullthumper/UnScript
- The scene begins in an unnamed park, in the middle of the day. A woman (LAUREN) sits alone on a bench in the middle of the stage. She is in her early twenties. A notebook rests on her lap, and she is continuously looking around as if expecting someone.
- A middle-aged man (JAMES) enters from stage right and takes a seat on the bench next to the girl. He opens a book and begins to read.
Are you mad?
- James doesn't respond for a few beats, then slowly realizes that the girl is talking to him.
What, me? Oh, no. I'm in a pretty good mood, in fact. (He smiles.) Why do you ask?
No, not that kind of mad! I mean mad, like, do you get up in the morning and try to lasso your toothbrush with dental floss? Do you accidentally put on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of a hat? Have you ever taken your dog for a walk, and forgotten the dog?
No, nothing like that. (pause) Oh! You mean mad like — like crazy! (Lauren smiles and nods rapidly.) No, I'm pretty normal, thanks very much.
Oh, I see.
Why do you ask?
Why are you sitting on this bench, then?
What do you mean?
There's plenty of other benches in this park. Plenty of ones without people already sitting on them. But you come here and sit down here, in an already occupied bench, and you're not... you're not mad?
What? Is there some kind of law against sitting on benches with other people already on them?
Do you mind moving on?
(annoyed) Well, yes! (His manners catch up with him again.) I'm sorry. Are you expecting someone?
No one in particular. Just the kind of person that'd... that'd... (she sighs) You're not even reading the book upside-down.
Of course I'm not. What do you think I am, crazy? I already told you I'm not.
But I still don't know why you've decided to sit on this bench.
I like this bench. I sit in it a lot.
Oh! (She hastily refers to her notebook.) Have you got Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?
Now, I don't think so —
Don't be afraid to tell me. Don't be afraid to tell me anything about yourself, actually. Tell me everything if you want to. (She seems to be trying to hint something to James, who clearly doesn't understand.)