User:Desuchini-chan/Random Stray Puppy Dog At Your Door
“I thought it was a good idea at first...I mean, it was pretty cute and all it is WAS hungry...but now I'm REALLY regretting it...”
“GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH!! -waves broom-”
Well now, it's finally the evening time and I've just got home from work. Yeah, that one place down by the corner with the muslim guy with the funny accent? Yeah, that's it. Fucking bastard. Well, I just popped open a bag of cheetos even though I know I'm not supposed to eat them because my damn doctor warned me about a bunch of shit about "blood clots". I mean, what the hell? We're gonna eat this crap anyways, right? Might as well enjoy it while we can. Oh, sorry. Now, as I was saying...I'm just sitting in my nice leather chair, waiting for another episode of Everybody Loves Raymond to come on whenever...
Wait...what's that noise??[edit | edit source]
Holy shit...I could have sworn that I just heard something...did I? Or am I just hallucinating? Damn...should've not done all that crack earlier today while my muslim boss was away...wait...I'M NOT hallucinating...I seriously fucking hear something outside my door! Oh my god...what do I do? please don't tell me it's my ex-girlfriend...please don't let it be Judy for god fucking sakes! I knew I should have killed that bitch! She is Bat Fuck Insane! Okay...I'm just gonna go grab that alluminum baseball bat I kept hidden behind the door. Then I'm going to slowly open the door up and...
A PUPPY DOG?![edit | edit source]
Ahh! Okay...it's just a dumb dog. I'm okay. It's not my mentally insane ex-girlfriend. I'm safe...or am I? Well, it's just standing there right? What the hell am I supposed to do? Rub it's belly or something? Eww...no...it's all raggy and smells like a dumpster...Oh god...oh god...what the hell do I do? Okay...I'll go into the kitchen and give it a piece of bacon. Then it will go away. Okay...might as well get this over with. Damn...I just realized I have no bacon. My doctor said I wasn't aloud to eat any of that either...fuck...what now? Okay, I'll give it a weiner...haha, weiner...WAIT! This is no time to be laughing at weiners...HA! Damn it...okay, I'll just give it a weiner. Uh...here puppy-puppy.
Okay, I fed it the damn weiner. WHY IS IT STILL HERE?![edit | edit source]
What the fuck?! What the hell do you want you nasty-ass mutt? Ugh...why won't you get the hell off my porch?! You're making everything stink! ...Oh god...why didn't I just ignore it? Why did I have to open the door and feed it a weiner...HAHAHA! LMAO! WEINERS! DAMMIT!!! Okay...I was really hoping that it wouldn't have to come to this, but here I go. Better go get the shotgun. Huh...so this was what it was like whenever 'ol Tommy boy had to put Old Yeller down. Poor kid. Oh well, at least I don't know this mutt. Well, here goes nothing...
Wait...I Can't...I CAN'T DO IT! AGH!![edit | edit source]
I-I can't do it! I just can't do it! It's just sitting there, all innocent and homeless with those big, brown eyes of his. It's sitting there, wagging its tail playfully, waiting for me to pet it! FUCK! Why god? It shouldn't have happened to me!!! I'm just a hard-working man (or woman for that bitch over there that just said she wasn't a man) who wanted to come home, eat some cheetos and watch Everybody Loves Raymond! Why me?? I just can't DO IT GAH! All this pressure it just so...so...TERRIBLE! I can't take it! I repeat:
I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
-sets gun to head and pulls the trigger-
..............................
..............................
..............................
..............................
..............................
..............................
Or is it??? The puppy will be back...MUHAHAHA!!!