User:Colours
“Ohhhhhh!!!!”
“Colours is spelled wrong.”
Colours, as scientists have recently discovered, are all around us. They occasionally prompt people to develop cute or philosophical saying to describe their beauty. But on a certain day, when the planets align and sh*t happens, one man will be nicknamed Colours. In order to get attention, he dons a mask and cape, to make a mysterious atmosphere about him. Most people witness his transformation from ordinary civilian to masked hero, so his identity is well know. But due to trademark, we cannot publish it here. Naturally, he blasphemies the total meaning of the word colours, and only uses it because he enjoys the fancy spelling. He will go on to make it a character in the soon to be popular novel, Heart of Steel. He sowed his name into approximately 18 different websites, in his quest for recognition. He met many challenges, such as comments like:
“It's colors, idiot.”
This intelligent statement has caused an identity crisis within the man, causing him to Americanize himself. This wouldn't be a problem, if he weren't already American. Under the stress of so much Americanism, he becomes a Muslim extremist for a short while. After realizing 9/11 was bad, he left and rejoined the Americans. Most people were fed up with him however, so he presumably died. A few people from his cult, "The Ti(n)ts." Headed by his (incredibly) close friend, Hugh E. Rection, the cult seeks to uncover the mystery of his death. Colours died after jumping from a twenty story building. The fall didn't kill him, instead, after landing on the convenient mattress truck, he simply uttered the famous last words,
“I didn't even hit a mattress!”
He then resolved to live, but was then killed by a rouge member of Mattress's Are Super Terrible Upon Review Bedrolls Are Terrifically Excellent, or MASTURBATE. The group of rebels had gotten little to no attention, and felt they needed to resort to terrorism to meet their mattress-demising agenda.
Colour's Impact After Death[edit | edit source]
Upon his "death," much of the world was impacted. The cults members, at a grand total of six people, spread over an entire one country, were devastated. All paint sacrifices, clay rituals, and paper smoking sessions were cancelled for nearly 20 minutes. Hugh E. Rection was particularly hurt. But after finding a new hobby, peace was restored in the cult, which now had only 5 members. One politician, the mayor of Corn Rapids, Iowa, had this to say about the great figure Colours.
“Who?”
This quote has been used by many others, in an attempt to put into words the great accomplishments of Colours. One such accomplishment would be his engineering of the Brown Bridge. Spanning a length of 2 feet, it is thought to be the biggest bridge within a quarter mile of itself. he built it so it would be easier to cross the dried up river in his backyard. The entire project costed a whopping $7 dollars, which was spent on the lunch break. This acted prompted many other great events in history, such as Pearl Harbor, the Watergate Scandal, and the building of Stonehenge. Perhaps the most notable event, though, was World War II 1/2, where the Allies (Colours) and the Axis (his dog) got into a heated debate over where the bathroom was. The Allies won, but suffered heavy losses, such as the carpet.
According to rumor, Colours will rise again in three days, but after a year, Hugh E. Rection posted on his blog:
“He'll get here eventually.”
This post lead most people to assume he will return on December 21, 2012, when he will inevitably end the world. So approximately 5 people patiently wait, for the return of the man with a history of great achievements, to lead them once again.