Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/November 2

Americans are a genus of human (scientific name Americanus) found predominantly in the United States of America. Americans are primarily detritovores, but they are not above eating their own young. Average body size ranges from anorexic to obese, depending on the species. Populations are densest in the areas described by scientists as "cultural black holes", such as Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Miami.

Scientists are at a loss as to describe the ecological niche of Americans – currently, they are classified as parasites – indeed, one biologist described Americans as "the tumors of the animal world". (Full article...)