Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 13

Pandemonium erupted in a South-East Melbourne suburb when a homeless man wearing nothing except a beard ran wild after police attempted to give him a bath.

The man, a local transient, is well known to police as a serial offender, having already been charged multiple times with loitering, affray and creating a public stench without a permit.

The public ordeal, which was captured on video by amateur voyeurs, shows the man running from police after an attempted sanitary-based intervention. After escaping the clutches of local police, he assaulted several on-lookers with his malevolent odour; some of whom suffered bloody noses and required medical attention. Police then attempted to recapture the man, only to lose their tentative grasp on the naked man's soapy body. Futile attempts at spraying the man with a can of deodorant failed to subdue the stink and an observer was seen buckling over in pain after getting the deodorant in his eyes.

After a brief chase, the exposed man fell over and police officers closed in to apply a healthy dose of hygiene with a few swift strikes from their cleaning sticks. However, the man refused to go down without a fight, and police officers could be seen running away from the stinky bum as he continued his dash for freedom. After several minutes of police following the man at a safe distance, the chase came to an end when the man collapsed under the weight of his own intolerable stench. (Full article...)