Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/February 6

Rapto-velocity is the speed at which the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor can fly into the air, sail amidst the clouds, and decimate an entire village. Alternately, it is the speed at which the production of the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor drives the United States further into debt. The highest recorded raptor-velocity is 24 seconds, achieved during the Iraq War over the peaceful village of Al-Imor, murdering 260 civilians and costing the United States 3 billion dollars in bombs and fuel.

The Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor is a ludicrously costly and efficient mass killing machine. It has a powerful subsonic radar that can spot out enemy aircraft from over 20 miles, has homing missiles that can hit a thumbtack from 16,000 feet away, and a bomb bay that holds over 65 state of the art mini-nukes, or "mooks." All-in-all, a single Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor costs over 16 billion dollars, and can kill over 350 people per minute when fully armed. (Full article...)