Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/August 8

I tried to be nice. I tried to help the environment. I tried to share the road, the median, and the margin. But the gloves are off, you fucking hipsters. Your exercise and critical massing has crossed the line. I'm the king of the road. Get the hell out of my way.

Traffic's breezing along at about 35 miles per hour on this four lane parkway, and your biker ass is hogging the road in front of me. There's plenty of room in the shoulder to go ride. Hell, there's even a wide, empty sidewalk. But no, you have to fall in line with traffic and ride erratically in front of me with your little buddies. We pull up to a red light (gingerly, I might add) and you decide that you don't have to follow traffic laws, and speed right through the intersection after cutting between the lanes. Think you're special? (Full article...)