Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 8

Conceived out of his own ashes to Cus D'amato, and seasoned in the ghettos and reform schools of Harlam, Mike Tyson once exploded upon the gladiatorial arenas to become the World's Number One pugilist. In fact, during the high point of his onslaught he brandished all the Heavyweight Championship title belts in 27 world boxing councils, including the IBF, WBC, IAAA (Inter Agency Athletic Association), Shaolin Quan, The Ring Magazine, and even Hollywood's Fight Club, where he had to be restrained from beating Brad Pitt back into reality. But most notably Tyson aka Iron Mike Tyson aka Glass Mike Tyson is an infamously bad motherfucker born with a chip on his shoulder tougher than a bowling ball and a chin more breakable than Peanut Brittle.

During his short but tempestuous career Tyson transformed himself into a human artillery shell, enabling him to decimate many woolly behemoths, including a token cracker (to give the impression that he could spell "Raceism"). And he quickly racked up a string of first round demolitions to rival "The Manassa Mauler". During his reign of terror Tyson's handlers alternately kept him suppressed between fights with elephant tranquilizers, which they would withhold and substitute with Nitro during his bouts. After unifying all the world titles he successfully defended his ever-disputed championship belts nine times before his crucial weakness was discovered. (Full article...)