Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 20

Alright, listen up youse mugs. Alphonse "Scarface Al" Capone (January 17, 1899 – January 25, 1947) was a gangsta, see? He ran a criminal syndicate in Chicago, yeah, during the 1920s and 1930s. His hoods was runnin' hot hooch in his ritzy juice-joints, and he was makin' some serious mazuma. But he was to learn that everything was not jake, and soon Uncle Sam had him cooling his heels in the pokey.

As a young wop, Capone belonged to a mob of equally greasy yooths known as the Brooklyn Rippa's, involved in stealing apples, pranking neighbours, pimping, and other sorts of wholesome childish mischief.

Capone worked a series of odd jobs after being expelled from school for making a shiv ^[1]. Over the years, he worked as a shaving model at barber training school, as a waiter for the well known chef Joseph "Psycho Joe" McCleaver, and target for vaudeville knife-thrower Jimmy "Shakes" McGraw. It is thought that one of these jobs earned him the nickname "Holey Fuck, I Ain't Never Seen A Face So Lacerated" Al. (Full article...)