UnScripts:Astro Boy Is Completely Unrealistic
Y’know… many people in the East always eat up comics, or “manga”, as they’re called there! But from a rational lens, these comics aren’t very realistic! Take, forinstance, that robot kid Astro Boy! We all know the concept of a robot kid created by a mad scientist be far fetched (if ya think otherwise, your a clod!), but let’s dive deeper.
To illustrate our belief, we’re going to make two different scripts. One that shows how Astro acts in the series and another that shows what we think a 9-year old robot SHOULD act!
Script 1: THEIR Astro (entertaining but sacrifices realism for sci-fi)[edit | edit source]
(Enter Professor Ochanomizu walking in on Astro Boy.)
Ochanomizu: ASTRO!
(Cut to Astro Boy punching a punching bag in his room)
Astro: Yeah?
Ochanomizu: There’s been an awful incident in Tokyo! You need to come there ASAP!
Astro: Don’t worry, Professor! I’ll fly outta here!
(He flies out.)
Ochanomizu: (to the audience) Ho, that Astro… always doing what’s right!
(Cut to Astro flying on his jet boots.)
Astro: (calling inspector Tawashi) Alright, what is it this time? Robot hate crime? Conspirators running amok again? Dr. Tenma?
Tawashi: No! There’s a mad scientist controlling one of our guard robots!
Astro: Got it!
(Cut to his POV, looking down. A golem-like robot is attacking the townsfolk and slamming its hands against the buildings.)
Astro: Gee whiz! Here it is, now!
(He lands and confronts the robot.)
Astro: HEY, YOU! I’ve got a bone to pick with you!
(The robot slams Astro into a building.)
Astro: Golly! He’s got me!
(He flies on his jet boots to the robot and punches him, breaking the robot.)
Astro: YES! Got it!
(The robot returns to its golem like form)
Astro: Holy exclamation! It keeps coming back! I have an idea! I’ll go and FIGHT the scientist!
(He flies off. Fade to the mad scientist in his lair.)
Scientist: Ah, perfect! Everything is going according to plan! (He pushes a “go apeshit” red button) Now to slowly push this red button slowly… slowly…. Slowly…
(Astro boy breaks into the lair.)
Astro: NOT SO FAST!
Scientist: Well, well, well… if it isn’t Astro Boy! I’ve heard you’re pretty powerful, eh? Well, I’ve got my OWN counterattack!
(He presses a button and traps Astro in a cage. Astro bends the bars out and tackles the scientist.)
Astro: Shame on you, mind controlling robots like me!
(He throws the scientist out and goes on the control panel.)
Astro: Now it’s time to deactivate the robot!
(He deactivates it)
Astro: HOORAY!
(Cut to dinner with Astro, Uran, Cobalt (his brother), and Ochanomizu)
Ochanomizu: You did good?
Astro: You bet!
Script 2: OUR Astro (more accurate to the average 9 year old)[edit | edit source]
(Enter Professor Ochanomizu walking in on Astro Boy.)
Ochanomizu: (wearing an apron saying “God’s Chef”) ASTRO!
(Cut to Astro Boy playing Minecraft and flicking his sister Uran in the nose.J
Ochanomizu: We don’t have time for that! LISTEN! There’s been an awful incident in Tokyo! You need to come there ASAP! And why aren’t you in your uniform!
Astro: Because I don’t want to be seen wearing nothing but SPEEDOS AND BOOTS!
Ochanomizu: (he opens his mouth and lifts a finger, but can’t think of anything) You win! But just this once, Astro!
(He flies out.)
Ochanomizu: AND DONT FORGET TO GO TO THE STORE AND GET MY MEDICATIONS!
(Cut to Astro flying on his jet boots.)
Astro: (calling inspector Tawashi) Alright, what is it this time? Robot hate crime? Conspirators running amok again?
Tawashi: No! There’s a mad scientist controlling one of our guard robots!
Astro: Come ON! This is the 19th time this happened! In these furshlugginer episodes, there’s ALWAYS a mad scientist behind this!
Tawashi: Listen, tiger, just take one for the team!
Astro: Can I at least get a reward? Like, McDonalds, or a Roblox gift card, or Buc-ees—
Tawashi: Fine! You get ten dollars! Just DO THIS JOB!
(Cut to his POV, looking down. A golem-like robot is attacking the townsfolk and slamming its hands against the buildings.)
Astro: Well, here that guy is. (Slowly bringing back his jet boots) I’m just gonna do a soft landing and—WOAH!
(He crash lands and confronts the robot.)
Astro: HEY, YOU! I’ve got a bone to pick with you!
(The robot slams Astro into a building.)
Astro: Goddamnit, should’ve never decided to say one of those things I hear in those Marvel movies..
(He flies on his jet boots to the robot and punches him, breaking the robot.)
Astro: YES! Got it!
(The robot returns to its golem like form)
Astro: (hearing Tawashi say “There’s a mad scientist controlling one of our guard robots” in his head. When he realizes it, he hits his head with his fist.) GODDAMNIT! Why didn’t I think of that?!
(He flies off. Fade to the mad scientist in his lair.)
Scientist: Ah, perfect! Everything is going according to plan! (He pushes a “go apeshit” red button) Now to slowly push this red button slowly… slowly…. Slowly…
(Astro boy breaks into the lair.)
Astro: NOT SO FAST!
Scientist: Well, well, well… if it isn’t Astro Boy! I’ve heard you’re pretty powerful, eh? Well, I’ve got my OWN counterattack!
(He presses a button and traps Astro in a cage.)
Astro: Hmm.. should I use my laser eyes and tear them off? Should I shoot them off with my machine guns? Aw, nuts! I’ll just play it safe and bend ‘em out!
(He bends them out)
Scientist: So you escaped! Fine! I’ll destroy you with my bare hands!
(He chases Astro.)
Astro: Alright… let’s see if he can face one of my vials of gas that paralyzes him! (He throws it to him. He’s still chasing him) Nope…. Well, let’s see if he can face one of my vials of gas that teleports him to jail! (He throws it to him. He’s still chasing him) Cannonballs.. well, let’s see if he can face my COLOGNE! (He gets his cologne, saying “EAU DE MELVIN”, and throws it to him)
Scientist: (stopping, coughing) Too (cough) heavy! Smells.. like (cough).. pork!
(The scientist is reduced to a coughing mess, and Astro throws him away.)
Astro: Now it’s time to deactivate the robot’s mind control!
(He deactivates it)
Astro: Now, time to get my ten bucks!
(Fade to Astro having dinner with Uran, Cobalt, Ochanomizu, and Dr. Tenma.)
Astro: …and then I got a reward! Ten bucks!
Uran: Gosh, what did ya spend it on? Didja get a soda? A comic book? A nose job for Ochanomizu?
Astro: Well, I got a… I got… well, it’s hard to explain, so—
(A Dixie horn is heard, and everybody looks out of the window. Cut to the window. It’s Speed Racer in the Mach 5 on the road.)
Speed: HEY ASTRO! COME ON IN AN’ COUGH UP THE 10 SHEKELS!
Astro: Oh, yeah! I spent it on quitting this stupid anime!
(He runs to the Mach 5 and they zoom away.)