UnScripts:Access Denied Error

Access Denied Error is part of

The UnScripts Project

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INT. Office - evening

Grandiose introduction of an ordinary USER at its computer, who receives an innocuous call from a certain CALLER, or some such...

Caller

Hello, is User there?

User

This is User.

Caller

I am calling from the Service Center. Your computer is not functioning correctly.

User

It is functioning just fine for me. I did not request any service for my computer.

Caller

You see, when you surf the internet, your computer gives off error messages.

User

You mean the access denied error?

Caller

When do you see the access denied error?

User

When you try to access my computer.

Caller

That is because it has a virus.

User

Like, from Facebook or Youtube? I access lots of viral content there.

Caller

No, no listen to me. You have a virus on your computer, you must get rid of it.

User

Okay, what do you want me to do?

(plays spider solitaire)

Caller

First, open the start menu and select Run. What program is listed there?

User

consent.exe.

Caller

You must delete that file. It is a virus.

User

(continues to play spider solitaire)

You got an Access Denied error, man.

Caller

Ok, go to c:\

User

(continues playing spider solitaire)

You've got another "Access Denied" error.

Caller

Ok, ok, go to start menu, then folder accessories, then system tools. Open "Control Panel".

User

(gets bored of spider solitaire and starts playing minesweeper)

You still get an "Access Denied" error.

Caller

This virus is very serious. You must open your browser and go to http://myinfectedwebsite.com to download the cure for this virus.

User

(continues playing minesweeper)

"Access Denied", again.

Caller

All right, all right, shut down and restart your computer.

User

(gets tired of playing minesweeper and starts reading Uncyclopedia online)

But why? It is working just fine for me.

Caller

But you get Access Denied messages when you try to do anything on your computer! How can you possibly say that it is working correctly?

User

I didn't say that *I* got Access Denied messages, I said that You get Access Denied messages. There is a difference, you know.

Caller

......! (A click, then a dial tone is heard.)

User

And a good evening to you too, sir. (Hangs up the phone.)