Suddenly, Raccoons

One splendid afternoon, basketball superstar Michael Jordan slipped on a pair of loafers, some cool slacks, and what appears to be a Timex. "What a fine day!" exclaimed Mr. Jordan. "I think I shall chomp on a cigar whilst bouncing, or 'dribbling,' a basketball very close to the floor!"

Mr. Jordan was pleased with himself. "What a fine day!" he repeated, exclamatorily. "I certainly hope my splendid afternoon isn't interrupted by some kind of annoying nocturnal omnivor-"