That time I was nearly ----- during my sojourn in -----
- <!-- insert stolen image here -->
- <!-- insert caption attempting to relate image to story here -->
- <!-- insert stolen image here -->
<!-- insert commentary on assailant's overwhelming size here -->
<!-- insert gratuitous profanity here -->
So there I was
<!-- insert perfectly innocent activity here -->
<!-- insert brief description of immediate surroundings here -->
<!-- insert questionable conduct which would likely get one arrested if openly performed in public here -->
and this fucking <!-- insert large ferocious beast here -->
<!-- insert object obscuring local field of view here -->
<!-- insert completely unexpected apparition here -->
<!-- insert threatening motions here -->
<!-- insert forebodings of immediate danger here -->
so I pulled out my
<!-- insert hand-held weapon here -->
<!-- insert exciting action scene here -->
<!-- insert attempted sexual activity here -->
<!-- insert emotional expression of complete and utter shock here -->
<!-- insert dramatic escape here -->
<!-- insert long-lasting repercussions here -->
<!-- insert pre-emptive defense against perfectly normal incredulity here -->
See also
<!-- insert link to eerily-similar incident here -->
<!-- insert link to helpful advice for evading future such undesirable encounters here -->
<!-- insert link to insulting article about ethnic stereotype here -->
<!-- insert link to popular conspiracy theory about alien abductions here -->
<!-- insert red-link to article with contrived title that nobody seriously intends to write here -->
<!-- insert link to bizarre yet marginally-related concept here -->
<!-- insert link to author's only other piece-of-shit article which he personally wrote and will soon be deleted anyway here -->
<!-- insert principle category here -->
<!-- insert less important category here -->
<!-- insert completely redundant category here -->
<!-- insert in-jokey category here -->