Template talk:Major-jesii
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Emo-Jesus[edit source]
Differing from his ultra-cybernetic-dinosauristic-black-plastic-supercharged-ubertastic brethren; Emo-Jesus is some what of an anomaly. Not so much caring about the salvation of his followers, he normally sits at home, watching Evanescence music videos, internally debating whether or not to cut and wondering why Julie stood him up at last weeks candyrave. Throughout the years Emo-Jesus (Emo-Jimo to his friends) has been the focus of many a theological debates as to whether he is actually a son of God; but seeing as how God has denied a DNA test and avoided child support payments(because in his own words, "fuck man, I ain't da baby daddy, I mean shiiiiight, cocane is a hell of a drug), it is widely accepted that proof will never be shown either way.
Origins[edit source]
The basic and popular belief is that Emo-Jesus is an anthropomorphic personification of pain humanity feels after being attacked by the following:
- The Dead
- Grues (Including:Undead Grues, Russian Grues, Red-footed Grues and Janet Reno)
- The Borg
- Tim "The Toolman" Taylor
- The one eyed one horned flying purple people eater (however it should be noted that the OEOHFPPE only stirs once every full moon for his re-bar mitzvahing)
- Kitten (See Grues)
- That guy over there
- Trader Sam
- The Deep Ones
- Kurt Cobain, Courtnay Love or any other combination of Kurt, Love, Cobain or Courtnay hither to and forthwith to exist
- paper mache
- Godzilla
- Stuff dat blows stuff up or makes stuff esplode
- Headdresses
- Haberdashers
- Godzilla again
- Chuck Norris (when called upon by the all mighty Flying Spaghetti Monster to punish mankind for it's insolence)
- The HPOOOOOOOOGER..you know the one
- Ra, Thor, Anubis, Odin, Zuse, and all other kick ass old Gods....word
- Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...god-fucking-zilla...again
- The Elders
- I Ran Hard So Far Balls to the Wall Away
- ...word
However again, due to God's lack of interest in comfirming or denying we are forced to listen to the spoken testimony of Katie Holmes...but...She plays herself as being wholesome and fortified with vitamins, but I know her kind. That bitch. Some people consider her "America's Sweetheart." That's bullshit. She's a lying whore. Just look at her. Lies. She just doesn't know when to quit. Someone should say "hey listen. we've had enough of your bullshit. We're not going to take it anymore." Then she should be thrown into a pit (with burning hell maggots).
The Emo-Jesus Bible[edit source]
Actually more of the scribbled insane rantings for a spoiled little rich boy, the Emo-Jesus Bible is a collection of ideas which Emo-Jimo says would better the universe such as...
First, I'd make everyone dress up like pirates (because pirates rule so much), and I'd have robots do everything (except for the work my slaves do; they'll be doing something pointless like trying to save the whales or something to that effect to keep them busy). Then I'd put all nuclear waste in Alabama (since the water there is already contaminated; how else can you explain all the birth defects? Inbreeding? Oh wait.. nevermind).
Then I'd pass a law that made it mandatory for everyone to vote for me in every election (so I'd always win, bwahaha). They could, however, vote for someone else, as long as I knew who it was so I could bribe them ahead of time. Every once in a while I might fix the votes so it looked like it was a close election, but then I'd always win (because I'd pass a law saying so) to give people false hopes.
Why was my edit reverted?[edit source]
I removed the Black Jesus link from the template, for reasons I described clearly in an HTML comment above the template. Why was it reverted? 50.46.208.175 05:34, October 4, 2011 (UTC)