Superglue

An artist's depiction of the mysterious "Super Glue".

Superglue is the world's most powerful and useful type of mouthwash. Superglue excels at clinging to plaque and preventing you from eating so you don't wreck your dentae any further. Superglue excels where other types fail: at actually protecting your teeth. However, it is made from animal byproducts and is not vegan. The animal species it comes from is Adhesos Pressios, commonly known as Sticky Tape.

Production

The production of Superglue is a long and convoluted process, with quite a few steps.

Sticky tape

When two tapes get together, they stick and begin to slowly secrete a sticky white liquid that normally produces offspring, but here it's stolen and used in the next step.

Skimming

The liquid is far too adhesive now, so it's skimmed to reduce that. The skimming process involves a big hydraulic press, and an ordinary dairy skimmer. The hydraulic press oozes out the liquid suitable for Superglue manufacture, the rest is released into the wild. The liquid is then strained and skimmed.

Additives

A variety of spices are added to give it some kick. Spices used include salt, pepper, cinnamon, paprika, nutmeg, mint, and a strawberry and raspberry hybrid known as Straspberry.

Packaging

The packaging uses plastic, however it urges people to recycle it for the sake of the starving African children that need education. The Superglue is taken into big machines that squirt it into the bottles.

Shipping

It's then sent through a certain rainforest and arrives at your door or the store. ^{hey that rhymes}

Uses

Superglue is typically used as a mouthwash, although it has some other purposes.

Uses include:

• Mouthwash
• Cement substitute
• Keeping a kitten in one place... for... reasons...
• Pranking your significant other with a fake creampie.
• Pranking folks unlucky enough to sit on your Target Toilet, or possibly worse, be in the queue to it
• If you REALLY need something to use as lotion
• Torture via gluing outstretched fingertips to opposing walls
• Torture via gluing feet to a stove on maximum heat
• Torture via gluing someone's mouth shut and also doing the previous 2 entries at the same time, so that they starve to death while enduring extreme pain
• Torture via walking in on your poor innocent son and gluing his hands behind his back as he's about to climax, probably one of the Worst Forms of Torture Ever™
• Getting yourself on an FBI watchlist due to researching Superglue Torture
• I should really stop talking about torture now

Risks

Risks when using Superglue include:

• Addiction
• Not being able to breathe
• Sexual arousal
• Spending all of your money on Superglue
• Not being able to type 'Suoerglue' correc-AAAAAAA

Reviews

“10/10, would use againsdome dude”

~ Superglue

“0 out of 10, terrible game, absolutely no plot whatsoever!”

~ IGN on Superglue

“PWYN TRWYL PLYRTR!!!!!!”

~ A regular consumer of Superglue on the taste of Superglue