Subjectivity

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Subjectivity is your own slant on things, but of course that’s just my opinion. I mean, you can never be a 100% sure of these things can you?

Everyone's entitled to their opinion

So I heard from this guy at the bus stop that Subjectivity is like your interpretation of the aspects of our everyday experience of reality and such. Sounds great, doesn't it? I think some Germans must of come up with it or something... or am I thinking of those French chaps?

Anyways, Subjectivity is great cause then nobody's getting their toes stepped on by dreaded "objective truths". And what's really great is that if you think somebody's truth claims look a bit iffy, you can just throw some quotation marks 'round them and hope for best! Fantastic!

But how do you be subjective?

It's almost painfully easy to be opinionated, and don't let the naysayers and dreamslayers tell you otherwise. All you have to do is pick an issue, person, place, or thing to have an opinion about.

Issues

For example, the economy.

And what an economy!

People may be blathering on about "lost jobs" and "depression," but it's all subjective. Did you know that since we've entered this crippling recession, there has been no inflation? Be subjective, not subjugated to the fact mafia.

Places

Let's take a drive around and pick out a few good places seeping with subjectivity. Coming up here on the left is a Pottery Barn; while the substandard decorative designs may be good fruits for ridicule, all judgments are literally set in stone, leaving very little wiggle room for higher order opinions.

The Olive Garden? You wish. Its faux-Italian nature may have it swarming with bombastic debate, but it's also swarming with bugs. Commerce Bank? Only objective fools work in money. I know about Commerce Bank. Trust me.

Ah! The mall! Crawling from tip to toe with teenage angst released in the catharsis of conspicuous consumption. A breeding ground for subjectivity. Let's have a look, shall we?

People

Just pick out a person in this crowd. Anyone.

What? You went with that guy? Are you nuts? That tie is disgusting, and his potbelly is popping out of his suit. I'd understand your fascination with this walrus if you had grown up alongside broadcasts of Jake and the Fatman, but alas, I cannot! Why, you ask?

Subjectivity!

Thing

The definition of "thing" is so vague that its own existence as a word is variable. 'Nuff said.

It takes all sorts to make a world

Uncyclopedia is a great example of how Subjectivity improves everything. Thousands of people just throwing various bits of opinion together, no need for grammar or "facts" just good old-fashioned whimsy is all we need; and what do we get today? Only the most reliable source of information in the entire world! Super!

Can't we all just get along?

Then of course there's those other ones! Carping about their "Objectivity" and their beloved "Facts"! Jesus I'm sick to the teeth with them!