Pink Moon
“I really am a pink moon man”
The Pink Moon is perhaps the least known of Earth's 314 natural satellites. It was created by folk-singer, demiurge, physicist, and chrononaut Nick Drake using the science of quantum after the great purge of folk singers following the Guthrie Massacre of 1748 (later renamed the Dylan Massacre of 2027).
Folk Hero[edit | edit source]
For centuries the folk singers waited in hiding and brooding, backwoods expectation for The "Folk Hero" they believed would deliver them from (as Joni Mitchell termed it) "this miserable, barren, heartrendingly-beautiful rock."
| “ | I saw it written and I saw it say, pink moon is on its way, and none of you stand so tall, pink moon gonna get you all... hey, pink pink pink pink pink pink moon - The Bumper Book of Revelations | ” |
That Chosen One would come in the form of Spencer Abraham, Energy Secretary of the United States of America and folk-singing Grand Master. With his lute, fife, tambourine, and mandolin, Grand Master Abraham created a bridge of rainbows for his chosen people to walk on, a bridge like unto that of funk master Sauron himself. The bridge led the gleeful masses to the promised land of Honalee, where they all got roaring drunk until, verily, they puked, though whether this was from the strong bootleg moonshine or a delayed reaction to all the rainbows and happiness none could say.
Fairport Convention, 1973[edit | edit source]
With the salvation of the Folk people, the Pink Moon lay empty for many lonely minutes, with only a few bohemian squatters and the nation of Canada keeping it from regaining its New Car Smell. It was almost destroyed by Carson Daly during one of his periodic rampages, and for a time it seemed as if the Pink Moon would never regain the recognition it had once enjoyed back when dinosaurs and marshmallow peeps roamed its scaly surface.
The redemption of the Pink Moon ultimately came in a Volkswagen commercial written and directed by the disembodied brain of Volkswagen creator Adolf Hitler. With Volkswagen on its side, the Pink Moon was safe at last.
