Patronising

Well done, you're doing really well - just a little bit longer and you'll have read the whole article!

Hello there, young 'un - it's so nice to see you! Did you find your way to this article all by yourself? Good job!

This article (a word for a bit of writing) is going to tell you a bit about what the word patronising (pronounced PAT-ron-ize-ing) means. It's a special word that big people like us use sometimes, and it comes in very useful when giving subtle advice to small, less intelligent people like yourself. Do you understand? I know that was a lot of big words for someone as simple-minded as yourself to understand, but try to concentrate, okay?

Example

This next bit has some long words, but try to stay with us. Here's an example of somebody being patronising:

(Enter Child, Big Person 1, Big Person 2)
Child: Can I go bear hunting, please?
Big Person 1: Oh, do be careful - we don't want you getting hurt, do we? Those big cuddly bears can get angry sometimes, and we don't want that, do we, poppet?
Big Person 1: Why don't you go and play with your toys while me and Big Person 2 talk about big people things?
Child: Oh, of course, non-gender-specific-parental-figure, you're absolutely right. You're so wise!
Big Person 2: Well done, Big Person 1, you're so good with children!

As you can see, being patronising is a really good thing for everyone - aren't you glad that child didn't get eaten by the bear? That's right, it would have been horrible, wouldn't it? Oh, sorry, have I upset you? Don't worry, the big bad bear isn't coming to eat you today, he's already had his tea!

St George, patron saint of England, patronising a dragon

Some really interesting background information

Now, I'm warning you--this next section is pretty complicated, and uses a lot of big, confusing, big-people-words. You might have some trouble getting through it. But do try, okay?

Many people believe St George to be the patron saint of England (England is a place very far away from here, filled with knights in shiny armor and big scary dragons). Few people ever think about what "Patron Saint" means - in this context, 'patron' is short for patronising. He is in charge of all the patronising that takes place in England (it's hard work, England is a patronising place!). Is all this information getting through your thick skull, or do you need me to draw a picture for you? You'll probably forget it all in the next five minutes, knowing you. But at least try to concentrate, okay? Maybe, if you do, I'll give you a nice, shiny dime!

So anyway, one of St. George's special jobs is to oversee road safety lessons for children. He has a special catchphrase, but there's no need for me to tell you that, you wouldn't understand, would you? Maybe I'll tell you when you're a bit older.

The patronising industry has boomed in recent years, helped along by Clippy the Microsoft paperclip, and the abundance (means 'lots') of children's entertainment programmes on television.

But I'm starting to bore you, aren't I? That's alright. I figured you'd have trouble with all these big-people words. Maybe I'll try and explain it again when you're bigger.

Right then...

Anyway, it's getting late, you know - you really should be going to bed! I must say, though, that I'm very proud that you made it through this whole article by yourself. Be sure to tell your parents that you read it all by yourself! But now, as I said earlier, it is getting to be past your bedtime. We wouldn't want you to get over-tired, would we? No, come on, time for bed. You can go back on the computer in the morning, can't you?