Obamunism
“Believe on me and you will be saved from all fear and pain.”
Obamunism is the worship of the one true God, Barack Obama. Followers of this religion believe in Change, Hope, and Change; they also like having fun and doing stuff. Change and Hope are always capitalized to show reverence, because they are the holy words of Obama.
Prophecies[edit | edit source]
The coming of Obama was predicted by many prophets including George F. Will, George Stephanopoulos, George Pataki, King George III, and various other Georges.
Also, in 1546, George Nostradamus predicted the coming of Obama in his book George's Big Book of Prophecies, in which he wrote, "The young man disappointed in the two brothers will attain to the leadership. In place of sacred things he will see a horned bull, but through the virgin the pig's place will then be filled. The ruse will conceal the offers, so they do not know who the lover is." This passage clearly illustrates that Obama is of divine origin.
Obama's coming is also said to have been prophesied by Gandalf.
Miracles[edit | edit source]
Only one so far: in a game of horse, he once called and executed the shot, "Off the garbage can, off the bleachers, off that ten year old's forehead, off the backboard, nothing but net."
The Five Pillars of Islam Obamunism[edit | edit source]
The Five Pillars of Obamunism are, in order, Change, Hope, Change, Hope, and Hope. Followers of Obamunism, called Obamunists, are instructed by the Koran ... err, I mean Obamunist Bible to Hope for Change, pray five times a day while facing New York, and always vote blue. Obamunists are also encouraged to sacrifice unborn children to Obama in a ritual known as abortion. Kenya, the land of Obama's earthly father, is a holy land according to Obamunism. According to the Obamunist Bible, the village of Nyang’oma Kogelo is where an archangel appeared to Obama's father and said: "Go to America, there you shall meet Ann Dunham. She will birth you a son, and you shall call him Barack Hussein Obama. Your son shall acquire great power, and he shall be held high in the councils of the wise." It was then that the angel told Obama Sr. that his son would be an agent of Hope and Change. "Your son will be an agent of Hope and Change, and Hope for Change. Err … I Hope!"
Criticism of Obamunism[edit | edit source]
Many critics of Obamunism point out that, of the prophecies alleged to have predicted his coming, only the one by Gandalf was real. They debunk this prophecy by saying that Gandalf is, in fact, not real, and that prophecies by fictional characters don't count. Proponents of Obamunism argue that Gandalf is, in fact, real, because they saw him on TV, and so his prophecies are valid. Recent studies by highly overpaid 'scientists' have concluded that, since they saw him on TV, Gandalf is, in fact, real.