Jim Davis

His minions of mediocrity surround him.

Jim Davis is an author forged by Hades in the year 1945. His sole purpose: to leach the humor out of the funnies and bring darkness upon all that is hilarious. His means of doing so: an obese orange feline, an autistic dog, and a bachelor who has no business being in a comic strip of any sort. In the year 20XX, a blue robot followed by awesome 8-bit music will rid Earth of his evil ways. Until then, we're stuck with Garfield.

Comics other than Garfield

They suck. ← period

Education

Jim Davis went to Ball State: we can now see why he went on to author such a homoerotic comic. However, their mascot is a cardinal, thus challenging the Jim Davis Furry Theory. One rebuttal to this challenge is that the actual mascot costume is furry in nature, which would in turn support the theory and thus prolong its existence as the best explanation for why he created Garfield.

A rare concept sketch of Odie-B

A gaze into the feline psyche

Jim Davis's crown jewel is the pudgy orange cat Garfield. Many speculate about his inspiration, and the most sensible explanation scholars have reached is that he is a poorly closeted furry.

Garfield lives with his owner, Jon Arbuckle, and a dog named Odie-B. Unfortunately Odie-B (the comic's comedic saving grace) died in the third strip thanks to an O.D. His death brought in Odie the mentally handicapped mutt, and thus the end of all hope for Garfield. Garfield lives in constant fear due to the fact that Jon has about as much a chance to score as Rocky Dennis. This lack of poontang may very well cause Jon to turn to his cat's sweet anus for sexual redemption. In fact, many strips show Garfield sleepwalking from his bed to the fridge. What is not apparent on the surface is that Garfield is actually experiencing traumatic rape-filled nightmares, and he is simply trying to escape by whatever means possible. Scholars believe that Jon has instead resorted to using Odie as a sex toy after extensive research and analysis of their interactions: Jon always wants to keep a distance from Odie so as to elude any attachment his sexual partner may develop.

Characters of minimal importance

• Nermal is an insecure cat who relies on the Garfield's attention for the sole purpose of finding reason not to terminate his shitty life.
• That pink cat, Garfield's romantic partner, has nothing interesting going for her outside those oddly different lips.
• The mice If they serve any purpose, it's to show how much of a spineless twit Garfield is. Instead of being awesome and tearing the fuckers up, Jim Davis had to make Garfield an ally to these critters.
• Women really do the strip no good outside of making Jon suck as a character even more (due to his incessant failure). They also give perspective to Jim Davis's misogynistic ideas and beliefs: women don't want to be with someone that chronically unfunny, so he suffers the same fate as his poorly sketched avatar.

Parodies

Garfield Minus Garfield

One day a pretty awesome guy came up with the idea to remove Garfield from Garfield, thus creating massive lulz. The lulz generated due to the fact that Garfield's removal transformed Jon from a boring fellow to someone who waxes batfuck insane. Many of these strips feature Jon talking to himself, and they actually work towards providing the series hope once thought to be lost.

Garfield Minus Jon Minus Garfield

The previous change was further enhanced by another funny chap who decided that taking out the two main characters would provide massive lulz. Unfortunately, the results were not as funny as its predecessor, but it still is much funnier than Garfield. In fact, one can find some hilarity when Odie just randomly pops up in one of the strips.

Jim's reaction to the parodies

In an attempt to save face from being absolutely owned, Jim Davis pretended to embrace stabs at Garfield (specifically Garfield Minus Garfield). He did so by trying to recreate its greatness, but he failed yet again at being even mildly humorous. Reports claim that he ate a gallon of vanilla ice cream while watching Golden Girls to ease the pain of failure and its familiarity with him.

Notes and references

• Fred Basset