Google Toolbar
"De parvis excretis grandis acervus excretum erit."
(Translation: "Out of many things that are shitty, a great heap of shit will be formed.")
- ~ Google Toolbar: Help|About dialog box
The Google Toolbar is a discontinued ubiquitous browser add-on that currently stands accused of one of the most heinous crimes ever conceived of by mankind: Fucking up Splaka's computer.
The Evidence[edit | edit source]
Uncyclopedia detectives found this activity log under the pillow of the deceased. It had been printed out on an Epsom salt-matrix printer, and there were bloodstains. Whew boy were there ever bloodstains.
- 08:11, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka attempted to uninstall Google Toolbar.
- 08:12, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka found that Google Toobar remained, and Kazaa had been installed as well.
- 08:13, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka attempted to uninstall Google Toolbar and Kazaa.
- 08:14, 18 Nov 2005 Both programs resisted removal, and Splaka found his computer now launched Gator every time he pressed the s key on his keyboard.
- 08:15, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka attempted to uninstall Everything
- 08:16, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka's browser was hijacked and kept going to the site Lusty XXX Porn Pygmies From Namibia. Google Toolbar, Kazaa, and Gator remained active.
- 08:17, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka attempted to turn off his computer.
- 08:18, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka was cautioned by his computer that things would be bad for him if he tried that again. Computer also confirmed installation of VirtuMundo and Gargafx.
- 08:19, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka attempted to move away from the computer.
- 08:20, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka's mouse cord wrapped itself around his neck. Computer began displaying popup images from the Man-To-Man Love Overdosed On Viagra site. Simultaneously computer installed W32/Rbot-UG, Lassa.exe, and wuaucrlt.exe.
- 08:21, 18 Nov 2005 Splaka's phone began ringing. The lights in his house went out. The computer began playing System of a Down's "Revenga" at double-tempo through his speakers.
Investigation[edit | edit source]
Google Toolbar has denied any complicity in the case. Tests determined that the bloodstains were from lusty XXX Namibian pygmies. Uncyclopedia detectives suspect they were planted by the notorious VirtuMonde program, as Splaka was hysterical and could do nothing but repeat "Tiny heinies! Tiny heinies! Tiny heinies!" over and over. The deceased, being deceased, did not comment.
Trial[edit | edit source]
Google Toolbar was found guilty on all counts and sentenced to uninstallation. The verdict is currently under appeal, but the chances of the verdict being overturned appear to be infinitesimal.