Going commando
“Rangers lead the way... But Commandos lead the free"”
“Roger, this is seal 2217 calling Command, requesting permission to go commando, over!”
“Furthermore, colored briefs are 'sleazy' and going without underwear ('going commando', as they say on campus) is simply gross”
“Going Commando: the ONLY way to go...”
Going Commando is thought to have been originally conceived during WWII, as a means to afford more manuverability to allied troops. The practise involves the removal of one's undergarments in favor of a more "Free" approach.
Many historical figures have gone commando, including Hitler, George Bush, Saddam and 6 frenchmen.
What is it?[edit | edit source]
While the idea may be new, references to "Going Commando" date back thousands of years, did you know that Homo Erectus often went commando?
This instinct to 'go commando' was an early evolution trait to rid the creature of certain unwanted parasites. This would later evolve to become the characteristically non-hairy Homo Sapien.
How do I go commando?[edit | edit source]
Scientists have long asked the question, "How does one go commando?" While the human physique is suited to this life style, the human mind has simply "Forgotten" how to go commando.
Scientists believe this is partly due to an evolutionary response for the retainment of pubic hairs; which may be shaved off to better your look when another human may be going down on you. Also, cock hair is disgusting. Did you ever give a blow job with hair poking your eyes? Not fun.
These 'hairy patches' or 'bush' in scientific lingo, acts as a defense mechanism against abiotic factors such as Temperature, Moisture content and may serve some protection from blows directed at the male reproductive genitalia. However, as Homo Sapiens migrated throughout the globe, they encountered extreme variations in temperatures outside their normal limits. These early humans then began to integrate "additional" protection as a response to these conditions.
However, with global warming becoming a major issue, this response to wearing undergarments has no longer become compulsory, or even necessary. It has been proven that the use of undergarments directly translates into extra costs in the form of maintenance, cleaning and the odd replacement. These costs can be instead used for more important things such as pornography or actually paying for your music.
- Remove pants
- Remove undergarments
- Replace Pants
- Walk out the door, knowing that your genitals are free from the restrictions of Underwear.
- Extra notes
It is ill advised to expel gasses from your anus while going commando, without underwear to act as a filter, you're killing the environment!
Why should I go commando?[edit | edit source]
Its the latest craze since painted door knobs! Everybodys doing it! The social implications of such a break through are staggering! Chinese and korean children being paid $0.014 Per day can now be shifted over to Fireworks factories! This will (dare I say it?) spark a huge boom in the fireworks industry. This will bring more money into the economy as even the smallest of stores will have access to fireworks such as the "Spinning lotus flower of the twilight evening of seven moons" and "The pinyata of the starlight dance"
These fireworks will find military applications and civilian uses. Fireworks are naturally attractive. Excellent distractions for terrorists, Riots, Zombies, Animals, Trees and Mormons.
Casualties will be greatly diminished and the captured troops can be sold off to china, to make more fireworks!
Oh, and it increases your life span to 88.75 years, gives you +2 attack and a second roll of the dice if you roll a 17 or up.
Disadvantages of going commando[edit | edit source]
Two words and an emoticon: Glass Floors :D