Food faddism
“It was absolutely horrid! I bought some diet pills online, and took them regularly as instructed. Unfortunately, I didn't lose any weight. I was taken to the hospital because of the mysterious side effects of the diet pills”
“This supposed 'fad diet' was the best thing I ever did in my entire life! My waist size shrank like crazy! It was amazing!”
The phrases food faddism and fad diet refer to a method of losing weight that is popular among large groups of people. These diets are popular due to their effectiveness and efficiency in weight loss. Although many government agencies and politicians are skeptical about the ads, saying that their "misleading" and "unrealistic", the consumers of these diets disagree as to doubt the popularity of these diets would be to doubt the intelligence of the entire population. Extensive scientific research has proved that humans are the second most intelligent creatures on the planet, following just behind dolphins. Science never lies, but politicians do.
Well known Fad diets[edit | edit source]
Fad diets constantly research methods to improve their speed, convenience, simplicity, and safety. Due to the successful progress of the Fad Diet industry, they have been faster, easier, and safer than ever before! Here are some examples of the methods proven by the scientific community to work 100% of the time:
Smoking[edit | edit source]
How it works: The nicotine within each cigarette works as an appetite suppressor. Studies have shown that people who smoke are more effective at losing weight than non-smokers because they have less of an urge to eat. Now there are even 'lite' cigarettes that have fewer calories than the original model, accelerating the weight loss process even further!
Anorexia[edit | edit source]
How it works: This weight loss plan is based on pure logic. If food makes people gain weight, why not avoid it altogether? It has been proven by the scientific community that anorexic's body weight is 15% below the standard BMI index. That means that this diet plan works by the majority of those who use it, thus is recommended for people who wish to have a more natural alternative to smoking.
Bulimia Nervosa[edit | edit source]
How it works: For those who enjoy culinary dishes too much to avoid them all together, this is the solution. Using the body's natural method for disposing of unwanted substances, all one needs to do is simply reprogram the mind to identify food as an unwanted substance. The process, known as regurgitation by many, also has an added benefit. Traces of a substance, called stomach acid, located in the vomit have been proven to help kill the germs known to cause cavities by many oral care specialists, similar to how Chemotherapy is a great way to get rid of a cold.
Characteristics[edit | edit source]
Fad diets have been commonly known to have at least one, if not all, of the following features:
- Losing massive amounts of weight in a very short time period
- Eat all of your favorite foods, including ice cream, cookies, pure animal fat, and Thin Mints
- Little to no physical activity required
- Scientific evidence Proving the effectiveness of the diet
- Free tapeworms that are included with every purchase of diet books
- Hypnosis techniques that convince you that hypnosis is an effective method for weight loss
- A visit to your local voodoo practitioner to help you convert fat into pure muscle
- Drinks that are guaranteed to give you Immortality within the next 200 years
- A passport to Neverland
- Fine print on the back of a legal agreement to buying the diet book that also serves as a will giving everything you own to the company who made it when you die from the techniques in said book
The what the So-called 'Government' has to say about fad diets[edit | edit source]
Being jealous of the extreme success of these diets, the Government made a food pyramid based on whatever produce industry bribed them the most. This food pyramid is the supposed outline for a "healthy" way for living. They claim that Fad Diets are ineffective and promote obesity and a lack of self confidence. However, this statement is claiming that millions of citizens lack confidence, as a huge number of people participate in these wonderful fad diets.